


The Danvers Sisters

by StarvingLunatic



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Alex Danvers & Lena Luthor Friendship, Alex Danvers-centric, Alternate Universe - No Powers, Angst, Drinking to Cope, F/F, Friendship, Inspired by Music, Meet-Cute, Musical References, Novella, Romance, Science, Sisters, Texting, Wordcount: 30.000-50.000, cheating?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-05
Updated: 2021-02-02
Packaged: 2021-03-16 04:55:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 30,169
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28576356
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/StarvingLunatic/pseuds/StarvingLunatic
Summary: Alex meets Lena at a science event and there’s instant chemistry. But, then there’s the way Kara looks at Lena and makes Lena smile. That doesn’t change the chemistry between Alex and Lena.
Relationships: Alex Danvers/Lena Luthor?, Alex Danvers/Maggie Sawyer, Kara Danvers/Lena Luthor
Comments: 80
Kudos: 105





	1. Chemistry and Biology

**Author's Note:**

> I don’t own these characters; DC/the CW does.
> 
> A/N: this story was born out of my current obsession with the musical _Hamilton_. The concept started out as one shot based on the song _Satisfied_ , but it grew into chapters and other _Hamilton_ elements (and songs) weaved their way into my own crazy thoughts. So, now we have this. There are song lyrics sprinkled in the dialogue and narration. For fun, see if you can spot the many _Hamilton_ references and tell me about them in the comments. You’re welcome.
> 
> A/N the second: this story takes place in an AU with no aliens/no powers. I’m also not going to name the pairings until they pop up. Thanks to my beta, [TheCrowDawg](https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheCrowDawg/pseuds/TheCrowDawg). I hope you guys enjoy this and come say hi to me on [Facebook](https://www.facebook.com/SL-Kassidy-482097488469386). You get information about this and other stories.

The Danvers Sisters

1: Chemistry and Biology

Alex Danvers was used to her younger sister, Kara, being overly excited about things, but she was still shocked at how hard Kara squeezed her bicep while they were moving from the parking lot of the National City Museum of Science to the sidewalk. They had come in Kara’s Prius because Kara thought it would be inappropriate for them to turn up on her motorcycle. The only reason she conceded was because they both decided to wear dresses.

Alex had opted for a black dress that went to her knees. Her shoulders were out thanks to the collar cut and short sleeves. She handled her heels with the same confidence, but more annoyance, as she did her field boots. A black clutch purse dangled from her arm. She was thankful it had the thin, leather strap or she was certain she would have lost in many events ago.

“This is so cool! You’re being honored and all because you’re brilliant and cool!” Kara pressed her cheek next to Alex’s, possibly smearing their makeup, not that it would bother Kara. Kara was always perfectly put together anyway.

Kara wore a dark pink dress to her ankles, as she thought this was a very formal event. A stylish black belt wrapped around her thin waist, matching her glasses and her heels. Her hair was done in golden curls, falling in waves down her shoulders. She was a weird mix of the Girl Next Door and Blonde Seductress. And anybody who tried to figure out which one she was, Alex would deck them, award be damned.

Kara giggled, and Alex doubted she had a bigger fan in the known universe than her little sister. Kara pulled her close as they entered the party. The science museum probably had not seen this much well dressed traffic in a while. Lights bathed the whole place in brilliance, blocking out the stars more than the thin cloud cover of the warm night. The award ceremony was in the auditorium, but that was in a couple of hours. Now, they had time to socialize, which was more Kara’s thing than Alex’s, even if she knew way more of these people than Kara did.

“Kara, can you tone it down just a bit?” Alex asked. Because despite all of the support, Kara was still being embarrassing. 

“How can I? They’re finally recognizing your brilliance,” Kara replied, all of her teeth still on display as she smiled big enough for both of them.

Alex rolled her eyes. Recognizing her brilliance? The award was such BS that her mother could not even be bothered to make it in. Kara gave her mother a pass, thinking “being out of the country” was a good excuse, even though Eliza’s could have come if she really wanted to. Alex showed their passes to the guy at the door, who waved them through. Kara probably did not even notice he looked at her with a little tilt.

“Do you know any of these people?” Kara asked, as they moved through the prim mob. She pointed as people went by them, like she had no manners at all. No one would believe she was the polite one between them. But, this was better than her asking if they could sneak off to go see the dinosaurs or the sea creature exhibit that she loved so much.

Alex glanced around, having to lean more than she liked thanks to several decorative exhibits that depicted different plant and animal scenes in a way that invited little kids to crawl into the open area. “I’m familiar with some of them.” No one she really wanted to have a conversation with, right now anyway.

“Anybody you want to introduce me to?” Kara asked.

Alex scanned the crowd and spotted someone. “I know just the person.”

Even though Kara was a journalist, she grew up around scientists and had a love for science all her own, especially astronomy and astrophysics. So, Alex walked her over to Neil deGrasse Tyson and introduced them. Kara’s face was red with excitement, but that did not stop her from engaging as soon as they opened a dialogue. Somehow, they got away from Alex. She looked around for them, but found nothing. She should not worry, but she could not help it.

“You look about as happy to be here as I am,” a voice said.

Alex almost jumped out of her skin, but caught herself. She turned to her right and her jaw almost hit the floor. Standing before her had to be some Greek goddess in disguise walking among mere mortals. Emerald eyes brighter than any gem, a curtain of inky hair, with a porcelain face that would put any doll to shame. She wore a plum-colored three-piece suit that fit her so well she might have been poured into it. But, this was Alex, so of course she did not say that.

“Excuse me?” Alex said, tone defensive and she folded her arms across her chest, ready to do battle.

“You look as happy as I am to be here. Much rather be in your lab, wouldn’t you?” the stranger asked.

Alex shrugged. “Wouldn’t we all?”

There was a little hint of a smile. “Not the businessmen here looking to poach academics.”

Alex nodded, but remained guarded. “Well, that’s true. One of many things I don’t want to deal with.” She was kindly poached by the government some years ago. “I do have some slides I’d like to look at.” There were so many things to catch up with, but it was not like Director J’onzz would let her in the lab at this time of night anyway. He had not even let her in the building this morning, threatening to suspend her if she did not spend the day preparing for tonight. But, for all of his huffing and puffing about the importance of tonight, he, like her mother, could not be bothered to be there.

The stranger nodded. “I know the feeling. I have so many gadgets I need to take apart and rebuild. Not to mention, I have bacteria cultures I need to check on.”

Alex’s heart fluttered. “Bacteria cultures?” She focused her attention on the stranger a little more and noticed a sparkle in her eyes. “What are you using the cultures for?”

“Right now, I’m trying to determine if they can be used to help preserve human organs. I’m hoping to help keep organs viable longer.”

Alex nodded. “That’s quite admirable.” Beautiful, brilliant, and generous. Alex’s heart thumped again. She might not stand a chance here.

The stranger shrugged. “It’s not working the way I hoped, but might prove to be a useful tranquilizer on humans.”

“I’m working on something like that as well.” It kept her busy and it would be a good way to cut down on suspect casualties. At the moment, it was more a theory than anything else as none of her ideas worked out. “I’m sorry. I’m Alex Danvers.” She offered her hand and wished she could grab the stranger and go somewhere less busy. It would be nice to get to know her without all of the people buzzing about, distracting, and possibly butting in eventually. A quiet corner to pick her brain would be ideal. _Maybe after I find out her name_.

The stranger did not seem surprised, even though her eyes went wide as she shook Alex’s hand. “Oh, one of the honorees. Is it Doctor Agent or Agent Doctor?”

“Usually just Agent. And you are?”

The stranger’s throat moved as she swallowed. “Lena Luthor.”

 _Ah_. Luthor. While Alex did not know what the CEO of L-Corp, formerly Luthor Corp looked like, she knew the name quite well. That was not a good name in the world of science, but that was thanks to Lex Luthor, not Lena. Lena seemed decent, but there was something fishy here. 

Lena seemed to be familiar with her, knowing she was both an FBI agent and a doctor. The fact that Lena was working on something similar to her and just happened to speak with her did not seem like a happy coincidence. _Is she one of the poaching businessmen she just sneered about?_ While Alex did not typically boast, having her attached to any business would be a boost to the business, but the Danvers name in with the Luthor name would be rock stars doing a duet in the science world. Beyond that, it would bring back the credibility that Lex Luthor burned off the name when he decided experimenting on human beings, trying to create “super soldiers,” who would actually be little more than mindless zombies hopped up on steroids, and war crimes were the best test of his ability about a year ago.

But, Lena seemed brilliant, and her eyes held no malice. Alex would love to continue this conversation and learn more about Lena’s work with her bacteria. Lena seemed as smart as Lex, without the mania. 

Added to that, it was rare that Alex got a chance to talk to someone on her level as far as science went. While she might not get recognized for it, it was not often Alex was not the smartest person in the room. She did not boast about it, but that did not make it any less true.

Before Alex could formulate a response, she saw Kara across the room, eyes locked on them. Well, not really _them_. Kara might as well have hearts in her eyes. It was almost cute. She looked so helpless. It hit Alex in the chest just as something else hit her in the brain. This was equal parts ingenious, idiocy, and insanity, but it was worth a shot. 

“Excuse me a second,” Alex said and Lena’s face fell for a brief moment before she managed to catch it and put her stoic mask back in place. Alex was not the only one enjoying the conversation. “It’s for a good reason. In fact, come with me.”

“You’re kidding.” Her “stranger danger” lessons were probably kicking in. With Lena’s reputation, she probably thought this was a very awkward and clumsy kidnapping attempt. Technically, she was not wrong.

Alex held out her hand. “Seriously, I’m about to change your life.”

Lena arched an eyebrow. “Then by all means lead the way.” That sounded like a challenge. 

Alex stepped off with Lena on her heels. Kara seemed ready to burst by the time they reached her. Alex took Kara’s hand since that tended to calm her down. It was hard to believe, but Kara was more eager now than when Alex left her with Neil deGrasse Tyson.

“Kara Danvers,” Alex practically presented her to Lena.

“Danvers?” Lena looked between them, trying to piece it together. A little wall went up in her eyes for a moment.

Alex smiled. “My sister.”

“Your sister?” The information took down the wall immediately. Lena gazed at Kara as if the sun would set on her command. It was adorable really, but Alex’s heart sank in her chest. _Nice going, Danvers_.

Alex swallowed her hurt. “I’ll leave you to it,” she said and was about to step away, but Kara pulled her by the hand. Alex smiled at her. “It’s okay. I should mingle, anyway. Maybe try to convince a few people to join the dark side and work for the government.” She gave what she hoped was a cheerful smile, but could feel it was weak at best. 

Kara laughed and released her hand. “Okay, but we have to find each other before the ceremony. I need to congratulate you some more before everyone else fawns all over you.”

Alex nodded and stepped away from the situation. She was not the type to believe in love at first sight, but Kara was, and probably had just seen it. Alex had never seen Kara look at someone the way she looked at Lena, but Alex could understand. Speaking with Lena for two minutes had been a breath of fresh air. Just the instant respect for each other was amazing, not having to prove she was meant to be there, but nothing could come of it.

Taking a seat by a large window and just out of view, Alex reminded herself she would not have had room for Lena in her life. She had her job, two in one really, and her sister. Those things consumed all of her time and she liked it that way. It was not like she was good with people or had a ton of friends. She did not mind. Those things satisfied her.

Beyond that, it was not like Lena was really looking to be in her life. She said it herself, business people were there to try to coax scientists to their companies to make money. Lena might be a scientist, but considering L-Corp was a billion dollar plus company, she was probably a businesswoman first. She wanted “Doctor Danvers.” She just got the other one.

And really the other Doctor Danvers deserved her. Alex knew Kara all too well. Kara, for all the tragedy in her life, was the kindest, sweetest person on the planet. If Alex showed the slightest hint of interest in Lena, Kara would push them together so fast, even if the interest was romantic. _Wait, romantic?_

Alex shook her head and blew out a breath. She did not need to think about romance or friendships. She had her job and her sister. That was good enough.

“Alex, come on! We’ve got to find our seats,” Kara said as she stood before Alex. Lena was right behind her.

Alex blinked. How long had she been over here? She was so deep in her thoughts, she had not noticed Kara’s approach. 

Kara grabbed her hand and pulled her up. Kara attached herself to Alex’s side and made their way to the auditorium doors. Kara turned to Lena.

“I know you’re probably sitting somewhere else,” Kara said. Probably since Lena was both loaded and brilliant, but also seating had been assigned. “I’ll text you where to meet us as soon as this is all said and done.” 

Oh, they made plans already. Looked like Alex was going home alone. _That’s fine_. She wanted Kara and Lena to hit it off.

“All right.” Lena looked at Alex. “Congratulations on your recognition.”

Alex nodded. “Thanks, but I don’t do things for recognition.” This was not even her best breakthrough.

Lena smiled and walked away. Alex would have watched her walk, but Kara gave her a little tug. They made way into the large auditorium, searching for their seats. It was like being in a darkened play theater.

“You’re going out with Lena?” Alex asked.

With a giggle, Kara squeezed her arm. “No, we’re going out with Lena.”

Alex could feel her face crinkle. “Excuse me?” There was no way she meant that way it sounded.

Kara rested her forehead on Alex’s shoulder for a brief moment. “We’re going out. I owe you something to celebrate.”

Alex shook her head. “You really don’t, but we’re by that all night bakery and you only need an excuse.”

“I do, we are, and we’re going to _For Science_ as soon as this is done. I’m going to buy you one of those cupcakes with bourbon in the frosting and you’re going to love it.”

There was no argument against that, especially since she would never turn down such a cupcake. They sat down and went through the motions of the ceremony. When it was Alex’s turn, she got up and accepted the award. She gave a modified speech a seventeen-year-old Alex gave to her high school graduation as valedictorian. Award accepted, now all they had to do was wait. Well, and she had to cradle a plaque bigger than her purse in her lap.

“This was so awesome. I can’t wait to write about it!” Kara gushed as she and Alex made their way out of the auditorium with everyone else.

“Did you even interview enough people? You spent all your time with Lena Luthor,” Alex said with a grin.

Kara waved it off. “I got it covered. Let me text Lena in case she wants to walk over with us.”

Alex laughed. “Make sure you name your first born after me since I introduced you to your soul mate.” Her heart clenched, but she managed to keep a straight face.

Kara chuckled. “No promises.”

Alex looked around as Kara sent her text. Everyone was slowly exiting the building. That was nice. Alex hated being at gatherings and being the only one leaving. It made her feel like she was sneaking off.

“Oh, she wants to walk with us. I’ll tell her to meet us by the catapult,” Kara said.

Kara took Alex by the hand and led her outside. The warm air of summer hit them immediately. The museum was not quite as lit up as before, but the sky was still dark with thin clouds. They made their way to the model catapult just off to the left of the main entrance.

“Remember the first time Jeremiah and Eliza brought me here and I couldn’t believe this was an active, working catapult?” Kara asked as she leaned on the railing around the exhibit.

“I remember we had to build one later.” Alex had pretended to be annoyed at the time, but it was cool to build a working catapult with the family to incorporate the new foster kid, Kara.

Kara laughed like the dork she was. “So much fun.”

Alex opened her mouth, but Kara was not paying her any mind. Lena made her way over and Kara only had stared, maybe could only stare. Alex laughed and clapped Kara on the shoulder.

“You’re a goner,” Alex said.

Kara managed to glance at her. “What?”

And then Lena was upon them. “Thank you for waiting for me.”

Kara was tongue tied, so Alex, the antisocial one, had to handle it. “It’s no problem. Come on, the bakery is this way.” Alex waved Lena on and they all set off. It was good they did not have to go far. She was not used to walking in heels for distances and was sure she was on her way to being cranky over sore feet.

“How did you two find this bakery?” Lena asked as they exited the parking lot and took a left on the sidewalk.

“Jeremiah would bring us there after we went to the museum,” Kara answered. Good to see her mind had not transformed entirely into a puddle.

Lena’s brow furrowed. “Jeremiah?”

“My dad,” Alex said as traffic whipped by them on the road just to the right of them.

“Different fathers?” Lena asked.

“I’m adopted. Alex’s family took me in when I was twelve,” Kara answered.

“And the story is much too tragic for a just met event,” Alex said to keep Lena from digging. No one really liked to hear the story of how she and Kara ended up in each other’s lives because they did not know how to react to it.

“Besides, we’re here and this place is amazing. It tastes great, but they do something so cool,” Kara said as she pulled the door open to _For Science_. It was right next to the National City Museum of Science, either by design because of what they did or the museum influenced their gimmick. From the crowd, they were not the only ones who thought it was a good idea to drop in after the ceremony.

“What do they do?” Lena asked.

Kara pouted. “We should’ve come earlier for Lena to see.”

It did not seem to occur to Kara that they could not come “earlier” because the whole reason they were even in this area was because of the awards ceremony or the fact that they had not known Lena “earlier.” It was a little funny to see someone as smart as Kara so flustered thanks to a pretty face. Time to give her a little help.

“You could always bring her back some other time,” Alex said.

“Yes, you have to see!” Kara’s excitement took over and she grinned as she turned to Lena. “So, over there…” She pointed to a glass portion that displayed an empty room. “That’s where the bakers work through the day and they treat the baking like chemistry. All of the baking equipment looks like lab stuff and it’s really accurate. There’s a hall on the other side that they let kids walk through and ask questions. The bakers only use chemistry names and terms to answer.” Kara glanced at her. “Alex, is there where you got the desire to do chemistry?”

Alex jumped at attention suddenly being on her. “Uh, might’ve had some influence, but I just like how it complements my love of biology and allows me to better understand biology.”

“And helps you create a truth serum that’s literally award winning,” Kara said, as she took Alex’s plaque from her to display it to her.

“Kara, you act like this is the only award I’ve ever won,” Alex said. Her office proved this was a drop in the bucket.

“This is the biggest one you’ve won. We both know that. Now, let me buy you that celebratory cupcake I promised.” Kara handed her back her award and then stepped closer to Lena. “I’ll treat you, too, okay?”

“That’s sweet, but you don’t have to,” Lena replied.

Kara smiled. “I know. I want to.” Who the hell was this and what had they done with Alex’s socially awkward sister?

Lena glanced at her and then focused on what she wanted. The bakery menu was written with the chemical formulas for the goods, with the bakery items popular names in parenthesis. Kara offered suggestions, but she loved pretty much the whole menu. Kara also had to show Lena how big the portions were, even though she could plainly see them in the display. No one said anything about that.

Lena went with chocolate chip cheesecake. She would not be disappointed. Kara went with strawberry shortcake, practically begging for extra whipped cream, strawberries, and strawberry sauce. Alex got a plain vanilla cupcake, but had it covered in separate bourbon cream.

“Why the extra cream?” Lena asked.

“They have five ‘adult only’ creams. This one has bourbon. They make excellent rum cake, too,” Alex replied.

“I guess I can try that some other time,” Lena replied with a smirk.

“Should I get an iced coffee or a hot chocolate with this?” Kara tapped her chin.

Alex looked at her obviously crazy sister. “We’re going to sit outside and you want a hot beverage?”

“Point taken.”

Alex and Kara grabbed drinks from the freezer display on the back wall and Lena followed suit. Peach punch, mocha iced coffee, and an iced tea for each of them respectively. Kara paid for their goodies and they found seating outside at the circular café-style tables. Kara pushed her chair just a little closer to Lena and Alex resisted the urge to do the same. She really just wanted to pick up talking about science again, and maybe have Lena look at her with the same twinkle in her green eyes as before. _No, don’t do that_. _You made your decision and it’s so clearly the right one_.

“So, Alex,” Lena started.

Alex held up her hand. “First try the cake and make a big deal about it or Kara will burst into tears from anticipation.”

“It’s true.” Kara was already staring at Lena, waiting. Her own cake was barely holding onto her plate, so much whipped cream, extra strawberries, and syrup that she probably should have had a dinner plate for it.

“Oh, all right.” Lena cut off a small, manageable piece of cake with a tiny, bamboo fork. She eased it into her mouth and her eyes lit up. Kara giggled right after.

“Don’t you love it?” Kara asked.

Lena smiled as she swallowed. “This is amazing! How could they make it so good?”

“We have no idea,” Alex replied.

“Alex spent about a year’s worth of allowance on chemistry stuff to figure it out when we were younger.” Kara chuckled before breaking off a piece of her cake. She shoved it in her mouth and her eyes danced, as they always did when she had good food.

Lena laughed and her eyes sparkled. “That is funny. Kara, did you help?”

“She made a lot of _Shrek_ Gingerbread Man references,” Alex replied.

“That was helpful. It kept you motivated to shut me up,” Kara said. That was true enough.

Lena smiled. “Sounds like you two had good times together. Alex, any idea why your chemistry didn’t result in cake?”

Alex scoffed. That one was easy. “Because I can’t cook. I can chemistry the hell out of actual chemicals. Just because I know the chemical breakdown doesn’t mean I can put them together to make cake.” She motioned to her cupcake before dipping her spoon in it to enjoy her cream. She had to hold in a shudder as flavor burst on her tongue. This bourbon cream had to be what heaven tasted like.

“But, you put chemicals together to make your truth serum, I’m sure,” Lena said, going in for her second bite of cake.

“Science is easy. Cooking is harder,” Alex replied and she truly meant that. Her mother liked to pretend they were the same thing. She ate some of her cupcake with the cream now to avoid going down that thought road.

“Cooking is tasty science,” Kara said. They both knew that was not true, but Kara liked to say it. It was something her parents used to tell her.

“If science is so easy, why did you become an FBI agent?” Lena asked. “From what I’ve heard you’re not just a scientist, but a medical doctor as well. That’s incredible. You could’ve had your pick of so many industries or hospitals.”

Alex had expected the sting of being right about Lena, researching her and seeking her out for her name, but it did not come. Lena’s eyes were curious instead of scheming. But, the story was not pleasant, so time to move on. “I feel I make the most difference at the FBI.” Not a lie. “What science things did you get up to as a kid?”

As they ate their cake, Lena went into some of her childhood antics, like building a robotic exoskeleton. Alex wanted to know how it corresponded to joints. They talked about how it could have been modified to move easier with the human body. And then Lena stopped.

“I’m sorry, Kara. We’ve been excluding you,” Lena said. Half of her cake was gone. It seemed like she was trying to savor it, eating it slowly as they talked.

Kara waved it off. Her cake was mostly gone, but she was focusing on eating her extra strawberries before she got to the end of her cake. “I’m actually following more than you think. I majored in astronomy and minored in engineering.”

Lena squinted and shook her head. “But, you’re a journalist.”

“Danvers are overachievers,” Alex said. She was just about to be out of cupcake, but it did not matter. She had ended her cream at some point in the conversation and had not even realized it. She mostly drank her peach punch now.

Kara wrinkled her nose. “Triple major. Journalism. Creative writing. And astronomy.”

“And an English PhD,” Alex added.

Lena’s brow furrowed again, but slowly her eyes widened as she stared at Alex. “Wait, is that why you go by agent?”

“If you went to one of our family reunions and shouted Doctor Danvers, almost everyone over the age of twenty-one would answer. We don’t even use it on mail,” Alex replied.

Kara nodded. “I forget I have the PhD sometimes.”

“I forget I have the MD a lot,” Alex said, so Kara would not feel weird. She did not use the MD much, unless something went wrong out in the field.

Lena chuckled. “I understand that all perfectly.” Her family was probably the same.

They spoke while finishing up their cake. They took their time walking back to the museum parking lot. Lena had a driver come get her near Kara’s car. Lena handed them business cards.

“I had a wonderful time. My personal number is on the back. Please call me, so we can do this again,” Lena said.

Alex smiled. She would love to. But, then she looked at Kara. Kara was helpless, hugging the card to her chest as if it was the most precious gift ever. No, Alex could not and would not be the one to call.

“It was good meeting you,” Alex opted to say and Kara grinned in agreement.

“The same. I hope to hear from you soon,” Lena said.

Alex nodded and directed Kara into the car. It was a miracle Kara did not bang her head on the passenger side door with the way Alex had to help get her inside. Lena pulled off once Alex had the car started. Kara sighed like they were in a teen romance movie. Alex chuckled.

“This was an amazing day,” Kara said.

Alex glanced at her helplessly in love sister and mustered a smile. “It certainly was.”

They rode in silence. Kara had not made it two minutes before she texted Lena. _At least she’s happy_. That was enough.

-8-8-8-8-

Alex moved about her lab, analyzing a tissue sample and logging data in her laptop. Her phone buzzed, but she ignored it. It was probably Kara wanting to tell her about an amazing time out with Lena again. The two had gone out over a half dozen times in the past two weeks. Kara called her each time and in between just a little more in love with Lena than the last call. Alex could understand. Her phone sounded again.

“Uh, Kara. I’m working. You should be working,” Alex said as she grabbed her phone. She scowled at it before ever reading the alert. “Unknown number?” Maybe someone texted by accident.

She opened it to see there were several messages. **Hi, you never got in touch**. She did not know who it was until the next text. **Hanging out with Kara is great for my mental well being, but I fear my waistline may not survive. She really loves to eat**. Ah, Lena. But, why was Lena texting her? **I’ve had to pause my research into my bacteria cultures as there have been a few unexpected complications and my new project is just as frustrating. I’ve been trying to separate two parts of this cell without killing the cell…** The message went on to describe the many solutions tried and tested. All failed.

Alex should not have replied, had not meant to reply, but her fingers moved before she could stop. She had questions, a couple of suggestions, and apparently, they needed to be known. Once she sent her ideas, then that should have been enough. Alex put her phone down, determined to ignore it now. She had work to do. She should not be texting Kara’s brilliant girlfriend.

The phone buzzed again and Alex gritted her teeth, trying to focus on work. But, what if none of her suggestions worked? What if Lena had already tried them? What if one did work? Well, which one? She had to know! She snatched up her phone, and that was when it all began.

Alex and Lena texted every single day after that. It was always science related. Questions they had. Projects they were working on. Journals they enjoyed or were featured in. It was her own little piece of Lena. Nothing uncouth or out of order or out of line, but still Alex never mentioned it to Kara, even though she had plenty of chances.

They still had sister nights and Kara spent those always gushing about Lena. Alex smiled and listened. As time passed, Kara brought Lena around more. It was clear things were serious between them. Alex and Lena were friendly, conversing whenever they were around each other. The discussions were always good and Kara always seemed ready to burst with joy when she saw them getting along. Still, Alex made no mention of the ever growing text thread she shared with Lena.

It was not a secret, but as time continued to pass, it felt like a secret. Like she was doing something wrong. Still, she did not stop. Lena was brilliant. She did not mean to boast, but it was rare she met anyone on her intellectual level and she could not let it go. Conversation with Lena was fulfilling, and losing it would make her empty.

There was a time when Lena and Kara got into a fight and Kara feared they might break up. Alex was almost as devastated as Kara. She would lose Lena, too, if Kara and Lena broke up. But, two days later, all was well. Lena never mentioned it, but she had been eerily silent those two days and Alex mourned. Kara told Alex they had a date and the next day Lena texted her about studying hemolymph, insect blood, for practical uses. Alex had thoughts on that and they texted as if nothing happened.

A year to the day of their first date, Lena and Kara got married. Alex was happy for them and for herself. They were such a good couple and Kara was so happy. Alex was happy as well. Lena would remain in her life, speaking science with her. So, why did she feel like she was punched in the stomach when she gave a toast to the newlyweds?

Alex let out a breath as she raised her champagne glass. “To the new brides, from your sister, who is always by your side. To your union and the hope that you provide. May you always be satisfied and happy.” Because she never would. And there were cheers to that. 

-8-8-8-8-

Next time: Alex is distracted by a rather annoying NCPD detective.


	2. Drugs and Bikers

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don’t own these characters. DC/the CW does.

2: Drugs and Bikers

Alex’s brain hurt and her morning coffee was not made correctly. She could not go back for new coffee, as there was no time. There was a crime scene waiting for her and the light from the summer sun made her want to hiss like a vampire. The lack of coffee and gleaming sun would not help her hurt brain. _Damn, why did Lena have to tell me about the failures?_ She woke up to a text with Lena puzzling over the issues with her most recent science project and stumped herself right along with Alex. Maybe some things were not meant to be solved.

She pulled up to the scene. A rather deserted area of the city, with the body in some dry bushes and a couch that probably had bed bugs if they were unlucky. If not bed bugs, there were probably other vermin crawling around in the dusty alley. Pigeons fluttered about and she would not be surprised if there were mice or rats. _I’ll take rats_. At least rats did not follow people home, like bed bugs or ridiculous science problems that Lena had to tell her about too early in the morning. There were FBI SUVs all around, but something much worse with them.

The hits kept on coming. There were National City police at her crime scene. It got even worse as she got closer. There was a detective bent over her victim. They were worse than pigeons pecking at her crime scene. There were so many of them, too many of them. People spilling out of the tiny lot. What. The. Hell? Her head throbbed a little more.

Alex donned her aviator glasses, giving herself a little added spice. Of course, considering her morning, she probably did not need any help. She stormed over in her typical fashion that made the most decorated agents give her a wide berth. She could hear her boots pound the pavement as agents practically rolled out of her way.

“Who are you and why are you on my body?” Alex said in her “Agent Danvers” voice. She got a few glances from fellow agents, who were already several safe feet away from her. They held their hands up and looked away. The detective was not so intelligent, though. 

The turn might have been in slow motion, Alex could not be sure. Long, wavy hair flipped over small shoulders, cascading behind a small woman. Glaring brown eyes set the world back on the fast track. A detective shield dangled around her neck, curtained by a plain, grey t-shirt.

“Trust me, when I’m on your body, you won’t have any questions,” she had the nerve to say with a smirk.

 _The fuck?_ Alex growled and stomped over to her. She yanked her glasses off, needing this detective to see her fury. “Nice to see NCPD can be professional.’’

The detective shrugged and looked her up and down. “Maybe when the FBI becomes respectful.”

 _Again, the fuck?_ Alex doubted her face could look any more “Agent Danvers” than it did now and she really just wanted to devour this detective, if only she could get some damn coffee while she did it. “You’re the one in my crime scene.”

The detective squinted as the sun moved across her face. “This is my city, my crime scene. I don’t even see why you were called in.”

Alex glanced at the body and frowned. There was a reason she was called in and it was pretty obvious, except to damn annoying NCPD. “Maybe step out of my way and watch me work to find out.”

The detective scoffed, but moved. Alex kneeled by the body, ignoring flies and other buzzing insects. An adult male, probably in his late thirties, early forties. His clothing was covered in blood and underneath him was a light green goo, like antifreeze. That was one of the few things that caught her attention and let her know why she was called. The discoloration of the skin, a faint flush to it, like he died blushing. _If only you could be so lucky_.

Alex took a little sniff of the air. The smell she expected hit her. Something just underneath the usual stench of decay. The scent was there just enough to keep critters away from the body, probably unsure what to make of it. It was almost like citrus and it basically confirmed her suspicions. _Might as well get this body back to HQ_. At least she did not need to stick around for an ME like the detective, but this was still a mess. They needed to solve this. She was tired of finding bodies like this. With luck, he would yield some clues, more than what she saw around him anyway.

“Damn it,” Alex said, wishing there was more to go by. She forgot she was not the only one there.

“What?” the detective asked from just over Alex’s shoulder.

Alex frowned. _Does NCPD did not discuss personal space?_ “You smell that?”

The detective sniffed the air. “Grapefruit?”

“Yup.”

“What does that mean?”

“This poor soul will be missing a lot of organs. There’s an organization that has been drugging people and stealing their organs like we’re living in an urban legend.” Alex needed more leads to figure out who the hell was doing it. It was way too sophisticated for a street gang. Possibly even too much for organized crime, but it had to be someone with lots of manpower and could move contraband quickly.

The detective scratched her chin. “No kidding. Haven’t heard of that.”

“No, I don’t suppose you would have.” The FBI had been on this since the beginning as the first body had been sent to them because it was such a puzzle.

“And what’s that supposed to mean?” The detective scowled, but Alex did not have time for that. _She’s kinda cute when she’s mad, but I also don’t have time for that_.

“All right.” Alex stood and dusted her hands off against each other. “I want the body and the fluid under him to go to my lab.” She looked around. “Matter of fact, just take everything in this general area back to my lab.” Better safe than sorry.

“Whoa!” The detective got in her face. She was pretty imposing for such a little thing. The fire in her eyes would probably melt lesser souls, but not Alex. FBI agents around winced almost in unison. The detective did not seem to notice. “You don’t own this crime scene. The body goes with us.”

Alex scoffed. Who the hell did this detective think she was? She did not even know anything about the case and thought she deserved the body? “Just like NCPD, thinking they’re entitled to things by virtue of existence rather than hard work. Your medical examiner doesn’t know what to look for. I’ve worked three cases similar to this one.”

“And you still ain’t solved it?” The detective grinned. “Maybe you should leave it to us then.”

“Maybe just stay out of my way. I don’t think you want me to compare solve rates between my people and your people.” Cops liked to act like they solved every case thrown across their desk, but the opposite was true.

The detective chuckled and looked her up and down. “Top brass hasn’t told you this is a joint venture, huh?”

Alex side-eyed the detective. Director J’onzz would not do that to her. He knew she did not play well with others. She could barely work with fellow FBI agents without wanting to throw them down some stairs. And why would this suddenly be a joint venture when NCPD kicked it to them the moment they got a body with a great deal of organs missing? They did not think they had the resources to solve this one, after investigating what they felt were all the “usual” places organs might end up.

“Take everything,” Alex told her agents, who moved as soon as she issued the order, and she marched back to her SUV.

“Hey, wait a minute!” The detective hurried after her. “You can’t take my crime scene!”

“It’s not yours,” Alex replied as she jumped in her car.

Alex was not surprised the detective followed her back to her headquarters. She wished the guys in the front of the building would stop the detective and throw her out, but that would not happen unless Alex ordered it. And, while she was a hard-ass, she did not think of herself as unnecessarily mean.

Alex was also not surprised Director J’onzz waited for her right in the plain, white lobby. He had his hands folded across his chest, waiting for her complaints. She did not hold back.

“A joint investigation with NCPD? This is my investigation,” Alex said, pointing to herself with her thumb.

Director J’onzz was unmoved, which was expected. “You do remember that this was originally their case in the first place. Beyond that, it happened to line up with their investigation.”

Alex scowled. “How?” She did not care if it used to be their investigation. They gave up and passed the buck. They needed to stay out of her way now.

“Talk to the lead detective. Maggie Sawyer will let you know everything you need to know.” And then he walked away, like it was nothing. He paused for a second, but did not turn around. “And, Agent Danvers, be on your best behavior.” He continued on his way, disappearing around the corner, possibly on his way to the inside cafe. If the man had not saved her life and gave her a chance to change the world in her own way, Alex would throw something at his head.

Alex did not have to turn to know the detective was behind her, probably smiling. She groaned and went to the elevator. It could not come fast enough, but then she had to share space with the smug detective, whose eyes sparkled with delight in getting the better of Alex. _I really should get some coffee before I end up punching her_.

The elevator dinged and they were at her floor. Alex did not want to chance break room coffee and she was already near her sanctuary. She could put on some coffee in her lab and have some while she worked. She would need something to help her tolerate her new shadow and the headache that was now exponentially worse than it was before. _Just make it to the lab and figure the rest out once you’re in there_. 

The detective followed all the way to her lab at the end of the drab hallways. Before Alex stepped through the door to her sanctuary, Agent Vasquez intercepted her. Vasquez was never without a pile of files in her hands, always at work. Vasquez made Alex feel better about how hard she worked.

“NCPD sent everything they have on the drugs,” Vasquez said as held up her bounty.

“Anything new?” Alex flipped through the stack of paper.

“I didn’t see anything new, except it’s possible they tracked a source for the main ingredients of the drug. You should also have the electronic version waiting in an email.” NCPD was either trying to be annoying or thorough. Maybe a little bit of both.

Alex’s eyebrows drew in a little. “How many sources?”

Vasquez gave her a look and Alex blew out a breath as Vasquez dumped the folders in her arms. NCPD had a file that could rival an Oxford dictionary in thickness, yet they found almost nothing. The mountain of paper was annoying then. Vasquez walked off and Alex had to figure out how to flash her ID badge to open the lab door with a stack of papers in her hands. It was not the first time, so she managed and went into her lab. She slapped the file down on the nearest surface.

“This is your office?” the detective asked, looking around.

“This is my lab.” It was not the fanciest lab or even the biggest lab, but it suited her needs. While she did not have the same funding as a lot of scientists, she had a lot of leeway in what she did with her lab and she made a difference. It was in this lab she developed her award winning truth serum, and where she worked on several other ideas that would eventually change the world.

The detective stood by some equipment, but thankfully did not touch. “Lab? What kind of FBI agent are you?”

Alex went to her keruig in the corner, beyond thankful at the moment that Kara bought it for her, and popped in a K-cup. With that in place, she went and booted up her computer. “A versatile one. So, what do you know about this, Detective?” She motioned to the file.

“It’s Detective Sawyer. I know you heard the Director use my name.” There was that mischievous twinkle in her eyes again, making them shine in a dangerous, challenging manner. It would be attractive if she was not so irksome.

Indeed, Alex had. “Okay, Detective Sawyer, what do you know about this?”

Detective Sawyer examined the file, flipping through it as quickly as she could. “This is a narcotics report, but it lines up with a body I caught a couple of weeks ago.”

“He had the main ingredients in his system?” That would explain why a homicide detective ended up handling him. He had to be dead, but then again, Detective Sawyer should not have been surprised about the body this morning missing organs and Alex should have been at that crime scene. _What happened?_

“No, he had them in his pocket.”

“Excuse me?” Alex looked at the detective with eyes wide. “In his pocket?” This could be their big break.

Detective Sawyer shrugged. “Yeah. At first, we thought they were street drugs because he was a biker, but it wasn’t like anything we had ever seen before. We weren’t sure what it was, but when we entered it in the database, your director called my lieutenant and that’s how we ended up together.”

Alex frowned. “I would’ve gotten that sample and that didn’t happen.” How could they have had the main ingredients of the drugs outside of a body and she not get those samples? What games were NCPD playing?

Detective Sawyer gave her a testing smirk. “Guess you’re not as important as you think.”

Alex frowned and checked her email and found messages she missed having to go into the field immediately. There was one about samples coming in from the NCPD. So all of this basically was happening in real time. That was annoying. Her phone buzzed and she grabbed it. Probably more work stuff that she should have known yesterday. But, it was Lena with successful news on her latest experiment. She would answer it later, once this headache had passed.

“Good news?” Detective Sawyer asked.

“Nothing about this is good,” Alex replied.

“Then why are you smiling? Did you get reassigned?”

Alex put on her “agent” mask, unaware when it slipped. Damn Lena texting her during work hours. “NCPD are sending over their samples. Tell me more about finding drugs on the biker.”

Detective Sawyer propped herself up on a stool. “Like I said, we couldn’t figure out what the hell it was. Lab techs knew it wasn’t a new street drug and didn’t know what to test for.”

“No, it’s worse than a street drug. It’s turned up in five bodies missing organs. It’s a complex set of chemicals.” NCPD lab techs were right not to even try to test. They never would have nailed down all the properties of the drug without some help. It had taken her a lot of research and trial and error.

“So, not something a biker gang would just know how to make? Not like it’s some new form of meth or something, huh?” Detective Sawyer had to know that, but was now either picking Alex’s brain or just trying to piece things together aloud.

“No. I wonder how the biker ended up with it. Biker gangs aren’t usually involved in black market organs.” Maybe this was not as complicated as she wanted to make it, but there was something up here.

“No, they’re not.”

Before Alex could say something, samples started coming in. Agents delivered things, putting them down on their usual table. Alex was so shocked by the delivery that she was speechless for a moment. Was everyone just trying to disrespect her and leave her out of things today? _Is this what happens when you don’t drink coffee before starting the day?_

“Did Doctor Hamilton start the autopsy without me?” Alex asked as she remembered to get up and retrieve her coffee from the keruig. Hopefully, the warm hazelnut flavor would help reset the day and get things to work in the way they should.

Agent Reynolds shook her head. “No, just giving you blood and tissue beforehand. I think these were all things around the body.” She motioned to almost a dozen small containers.

Alex sipped her coffee. “Even tissue?”

“It came off the clothes in bits from the cuts to remove the organs, we think anyway.”

“I suppose. So, is Doctor Hamilton ready?”

Agent Reynolds nodded. “As soon as you’re there, she’ll start, as always.”

“All night.” Alex thought she would have time for other things before the autopsy, but they could wait until she could come back up and run tests on samples. At least she got a taste of her coffee. She would drink as much as she could on her way downstairs. “Detective Sawyer, I assume you want to see the autopsy.”

“Of course.”

“Then you’ll want to follow along. You seem good at that,” Alex said. _Wow, that was unnecessary_. She gulped down more coffee, thinking it might help settle her.

The detective smirked at her. “Yeah, I’m pretty good at following directions. I’m even better at leading.” And just like that, Alex was not sorry. _Of course, I’d be cursed with the flirty pain-in-the-ass detective_.

Alex went to Doctor Hamilton to assist in the autopsy, managing to finish her coffee on the way. She did not feel much better, but she chalked that up to the company. Detective Sawyer was right on her heels. They came into the red and white room, body already laid out on the examination table with Doctor Hamilton standing by, suited up. Hamilton glanced at the newcomer and then at Alex. 

Alex shrugged. With the way the day was going, Doctor Hamilton probably knew more about her current shadow than she did. Alex went to study the body.

“I’m Doctor Hamilton. You must be the NCPD detective partnered with Agent Danvers,” Hamilton said, offering a hand to the detective.

“Detective Sawyer.” She shook Doctor Hamilton’s hand.

Doctor Hamilton chuckled, delicate shoulders shaking with mirth. “I’m sure you two are getting along well.”

They both rolled their eyes and Hamilton laughed even more. She motioned for the detective to come over to the examination table. She gave them both smocks, gloves, masks, and protective eyewear just in case. They got started and it was fine until Alex jumped into the autopsy, going to make a cut of her own.

“Hey! What are you doing?” Detective Sawyer asked, hands up to stop Alex.

“Assisting in the autopsy,” Alex replied. What the hell did it look like she was doing? _This is why I hate partners!_ It was like baby-sitting. 

Detective Sawyer put her hands between Alex and the body, forcing her to step away. “You can’t just do that! I mean, I know you FBI guys do things different, but come on!” She looked from Alex to Doctor Hamilton and back.

Hamilton waved the outburst off and kept most of her attention on the body. “Has no one told you yet that Agent Danvers is a medical doctor masquerading as a field agent?”

Alex groaned, not liking to spread that around. She was not one to try to grab the spotlight. Alex liked to let her actions do all her boasting. “Can we just see if they left any of this man’s organs?”

Detective Sawyer’s eyes went wide and from the way her face mask moved, her mouth must have dropped open a little. “Medical doctor? And you chose to be a fed? To each her own, I guess.”

Alex did not lower herself to that perceived insult. The detective observed for the rest, not getting in the way nor making a nuisance of herself. Alex and Doctor Hamilton had done this too many times before and could predict almost everything they saw.

“They left his heart of all things,” Doctor Hamilton said.

“Even though there’s no sign of disease,” Alex replied.

“Ran out of time?”

“Possibly, but we have another victim where they had time to even steal his bones,” Alex said. That body was pretty much just muscles with a skull. They even took large patches of his skin and both eyes.

“His bones?” Detective Sawyer’s eyes were wide once more.

“Bone marrow will fetch a pretty penny. All right, Hamilton, I’m going to take my samples and the detective and be on my way.” She had taken tissue samples from bits of the organs left behind.

“Take what you need. I’m going to examine the heart a little closer, try to figure out why they left it behind even though it seems quite healthy. Maybe there’s something there to help us figure out where they’re selling the organs.”

“Sounds good. Let me know if something comes up.”

“You do the same.”

Alex nodded, got out of her autopsy gear, and returned to her lab to test samples. Detective Sawyer was right behind her. She hoped for something new to pop out at her and solve this case. She had enough things to study and figure out.

Detective Sawyer settled back on the stool and watched. Alex tried not to be self conscious about it, but she usually worked on her own or a couple of lab techs around her. She was not used to having an audience. She put some more coffee on and then went back to the samples.

“So, you’re a lab tech, too?” Detective Sawyer asked.

Alex was going through data on her computer. “Doctorate in biochemistry.”

She heard a kind of scoff-like laugh. “Just the whole package, huh?”

Alex scowled, but did not engage. _I don’t have to defend my education to her_. “So, what can you tell me about your biker?”

“Not much. His club wasn’t very forthcoming when I went to talk to them about him being dead in a ditch, if you can imagine. What do you think the biker was doing with a drug used to help steal organs?”

“It’s both a tranquilizer and helps preserve the body tissue. It’s quite impressive.” It sounded a little familiar and she looked at the chemical break, her brain swore she had seen it before, but she could not recall where.

Detective Sawyer laughed. “You’re a science nerd.”

Alex had heard that her entire life. It did not affect her anymore, especially from a detective who had been mostly rude to her all day. For a while, Detective Sawyer let her work in silence, but not long enough.

“So, what can you tell me on the science end?” Detective Sawyer asked.

“I’ve broken the drug down to its basic components, but tracking them always leads to a dead end.” No lab she could find had been missing any of the items in question. It was not like a criminal could just manufacture complicated ingredients out of thin air.

Detective Sawyer’s face scrunched up and there was a light in her eyes. “Wait, could you replicate it?”

“In my sleep at this point. Why?” Alex arched her eyebrow.

“We go out into the field and do some recon.” Detective Sawyer grinned and she had amazing dimples. 

Alex’s heart thumped hard against her ribs. _No, don’t even think about it. You don’t have time for it and she’s annoying_ _and disrespectful_. Of course, that would pair well with Alex wanting something she could not have and should not want. That fit right in her wheelhouse. _Stop thinking about it. Focus on matters at hand_.

“You want to go confront the biker club with the drug?” Alex asked, forehead wrinkled. That sounded insane.

“We could say we found it and see what they let slip as they try to figure out how we got the drugs. Or maybe they don’t know what it is and it’s a coincidence. I just figure it would be safe to walk in with something as close to the drug as possible in case they can test it. Won’t know unless we try.” Detective Sawyer shrugged.

“That’s actually a pretty good idea. What did the container look like for the drug the biker had?”

Detective Sawyer grabbed the NCPD police file. “I’ll find it in the file. How long will it take you to make a safe version of the drug? We should be as authentic as possible, just in case.”

Alex thought about it. “Might take a few hours.”

“Okay. I’ll run this by my captain. Will Director J’onzz be okay with it?”

“Yeah, he’s cool.” _Sometimes, anyway, when he’s not forcing me to hang out with rude NCPD detectives_.

“Good. You got something to go to a biker club in?” Detective Sawyer arched a challenging eyebrow.

Alex fought down the urge to roll her eyes, but could not keep in her scoff. “I’m sure I’ll manage.”

Detective Sawyer grinned. She was obviously nothing but mischief and trouble. “Good. This’ll be fun.”

-8-8-8-8-

The operation was approved since it was the best idea they had. Alex was warned to “take it easy” in the briefing by Director J’onzz. Detective Sawyer laughed until her captain said the same went for her. With a few details polished out, and those warnings, they were free to proceed, but first they had to change.

“Need a ride on my bike?” Detective Sawyer asked with a smirk as they made their way out of the FBI building. Those damn dimples were in play again. If only she would stop talking.

“No, thanks. Got my own.” Alex smirked back and Detective Sawyer stopped dead in her tracks. Alex resisted the urge to laugh. “Back here in two hours?”

It took Detective Sawyer a moment to recover. “Uh, sure.”

They met out front of the FBI building on their bikes. Alex had to consciously keep her jaw from dropping as she saw Detective Sawyer straddling her bike. Alex could not be sure, and even if she was, she would have never admitted it, but she thought she muttered a “wow.” From the way Detective Sawyer smiled at her, the word probably escaped her and it probably was not “muttered.” she had to recover.

“Nice bike,” Alex said. She shoved her hands in her black leather jacket to appear indifferent and cool. 

Detective Sawyer stared at her. “You ride a ducati.” Was that awe or surprise in her voice?

Alex gave her a half-smile. “Yeah, not the best for a Harley club, but we’re not trying to fit all the way in.” They wanted enough to get in the door. So, she had on black jeans and a band t-shirt with her favorite, roughed up pair of boots. She would probably go into a club like this if she had the time. 

“You gotta let me ride later.” There were the damn dimples again. 

_Is she flirting with me? Nah. We’ve been at each other’s throats all day. She’s messing with me… before a recon operation for some reason_. “I don’t just let anybody ride.”

“No, I don’t imagine you do.” Detective Sawyer looked Alex up and down in a way that set Alex’s face on fire.

 _Nope_. Alex did not want any part of this. She needed this op done and to go back to her regular, sane, professional life.

“You really should talk less,” Alex said and then revved her bike, needing to get out of there before Detective Sawyer did anything else. They charged off toward a bar the biker frequented. It was in a rough part of town, on the edge of the city. There were bikes lined up outside, a few tough guys clad in leather talking to each other, and loud everything pouring from the building. 

“You gonna be all right here?” Detective Sawyer asked as they found spots for their bikes.

Alex scoffed. “I think we need to worry more about you being in there.” She dismounted and scanned the exterior of the bar. The window in front of the place was blacked out. They had no idea how many people were inside beyond a rough estimation based on the number of bikes outside. They were grossly outnumbered. 

“We are definitely outmanned and probably outgunned,” Detective Sawyer said, taking in the same information as Alex.

“Good thing we got a plan.” This was definitely dangerous, but she had been in worse places. 

The bar was the type of place where their mere existence caused anxiety and anger. Eyes watched them the moment they parked their bikes. They barely got in the door and there were dudes in their faces. The entire establishment seemed invested in a conversation that had not begun.

“I think you ladies made a wrong turn,” a bald guy with a face tattoo said. According to his vest, he was a member of the Doomsday Squadron. Patches around the crowded room suggested many of the patrons were. They also did not seem keen on bathing from the smell of things. It was like cheap beer, alcohol sweat, and body odor all mixed together.

“No, this is where Lee said to go,” Detective Sawyer said.

That was not the right response. More people stepped into the crowd in front of them. The rest of the place seemed to close in on them.

“You knew Lee?” a guy with a long, knotted beard asked. He had beads in his beard, but he was almost seven feet tall, so it was still intimidating, kinda. Or maybe it was the sawed off shotgun Alex could tell he was concealing in his jacket. 

Detective Sawyer shrugged, like it was no big thing. “In passing. We sometimes gave each other business tips.”

He sucked his teeth. “That dumbass wouldn’t know a good tip if it bit him in the ass. Can’t make a good decision worth a damn.”

Alex chuckled. “Don’t we know it.”

“He sold us something for cheap, but then regretted it and wanted it back. We wanted to see if you guys could beat his price,” Detective Sawyer said.

Alex went into her pocket. Almost the whole bar had weapons out in the amount of time she had a vial of amber liquid out. The citrus smell was strong enough to surround them. The crew jumped back and tensed. They had an idea of what this was then.

“Little girls, you might wanna hand it over,” the bald guy said.

Detective Sawyer smirked. “What’s your offer?”

“We might let you walk out of here.”

Alex scoffed and Detective Sawyer glanced at her. “Sounds like my partner doesn’t think that’s a good deal. We were hoping for cash.” She rubbed her thumb, index, and middle finger together.

“Listen, little girl, don’t make us take it,” he said.

“So, it’s valuable enough to threaten our lives, but not pay for it. This isn’t going exactly the way I planned it,” Detective Sawyer said.

“I’m fine if you’re fine,” Alex replied. She had been in much worse situations and was far from worried. The only problem she would have was if Detective Sawyer could not keep up with her.

“We weren’t supposed to get in trouble,” Detective Sawyer reminded her.

“I’ve built my adult life off of it’s better to beg forgiveness than ask permission.” It served her well at work.

Detective Sawyer chuckled. “Hear that, fellas? My partner’s done talking.”

“Last chance, gentlemen,” Alex said.

“Yeah, your last chance. Get ‘em!”

Alex tossed the vial on the floor. It shattered on impact and gas hissed to life. She passed Detective Sawyer a gas mask.

“Where the hell were you hiding these in your leathers?” Detective Sawyer asked.

“Wouldn’t you like to know?” Alex eased her mask on just in time to sidestep a punch. Her counter landed square on the jaw. He dropped. She ducked a chair and Detective Sawyer knocked out that guy. It was a bar brawl for all of one minute, but for that minute, Detective Sawyer laid a few guys out. The fumes slowed everyone before forcing them to sit. They swayed, dizzy, disorientated, and harmless for the moment.

“Will they be okay?” Detective Sawyer asked, mask firmly in place. She looked around, concerned. It was admirable for her to worried over a mob who just tried to kill her a few seconds ago.

“Yeah. Just sick for a few hours. Questioning them will be funny.”

“How so?”

“I mixed my own special, pretty accurate truth serum in.”

“Is that legal?”

“It’s not illegal.” This was something important she had learned when coming up with stuff in her lab.

Detective Sawyer chuckled, eyes sparkling underneath the mask. They gathered everyone up, which was not a difficult task. They were all too loopy from the tranquilizer to struggle. They got a ride to the medical bay of the FBI headquarters. They were treated and then questioned. At first, they did not talk, but after being confused by asking easy, non-related questions, agents sneaked in relevant questions and they answered those just as easily as the others thanks to the serum.

Turned out, the man stealing organs was a fired L-Corp scientist. _That’s why those ingredients seemed familiar!_ She recalled Lena had been trying her best to come up with a drug to help preserve organs, but the more she worked on it, the more it was clear the drug would never do exactly what she wanted. She scrapped the idea. He stole the failed drug after they halted further testing. 

In an official statement, L-Corp explained the suspect was in charge of disposal, but it was discovered he had been slacking in that area for months. He had been fired for that offense, but he had done worse when he found what it did and what he could do. The drug was supposed to help preserve organs for transplant, but it was also such a powerful tranquilizer, it stopped body function. He used that to carve people up for parts, selling viable organs on the black market.

Alex texted Lena as soon as she found out. “Gotta be more careful in getting rid of failed experiments. Some people don’t have the same lofty moral ambitions as you.” Alex made her way outside of FBI headquarters, on her way home.

Before a response came, Alex was knocked in the shoulder. She turned to see Detective Sawyer grinning, eyes bright. God, those dimples. Alex’s heart felt like it fluttered away.

“Well, Danvers, that wasn’t entirely awful. I might even look forward to working with you again,” Detective Sawyer said.

Alex found herself smiling, even though Agent Danvers did not smile. “Yeah… Sawyer.” She would not mind working with the detective again.

Sawyer mounted her bike and despite everything in her, Alex had to admit it was a sexy sight. She could not ignore that now. The day rushed back to her as she stood there, a dam broken in her brain. Her day with Sawyer played through her mind. She recalled Sawyer fighting in the bar, clearly knowing her business. The fact that she came up with the plan to go to the bar after she saw Alex’s skill in her lab was something else, too. Even the way she had obviously been in charge of the scene before Alex showed up was something else. Her cocky attitude was not a show. She had a reason to be so confident. She was like living dynamite.

“See you around.” She smiled, eyes twinkling yet again. And then, she disappeared on her bike, handling her high speed like a pro. Alex missed the text reply, eyes helplessly trying to continue tracking Sawyer. Her heart pretty much went boom.

-8-8-8-8-

Next time: more Sawyer and Lena and Kara show up again.


	3. Guns and Ships

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don’t own these characters. DC/the CW does.

3: Guns and Ships

Alex had a consistent stream of texts from Lena almost every day for two years, so she could tell when Lena was worried. Having the L-Corp drugs stolen, used in murders, and helping make dirty money selling organs illegally on the black market might have been too much for her. Now, instead of texting Alex about science, there were so many security questions.

Alex wanted to help, of course. She had more than a couple of suggestions, including some on how to fight instead of flee when the press tried to press Lena. Not that Lena would ever back down, but she could not let Lena take damage when it was not her fault. She had not stolen her own goods and used them for criminal enterprise. 

Beyond the fact that Alex never wanted to work another case like the one she just did, she also wanted to ease Lena’s mind. Lena felt a personal responsibility for what happened. That was just who she was. It was her company, so the things that happened were on her. She had not fired the man, had not given him access to the drugs, and had not watched him walk out of the door with a product she already junked. It was not her fault, but Lena was a “the buck stops here” type of boss and Alex respected that. So, she tried to answer everything she could, as fast as she could.

“Hey, put the phone down, so we can figure this out,” Sawyer said from her stool pulled up to Alex’s lab table.

Alex blinked and did as requested. She was done, anyway. She focused on Sawyer, leather jacket wrapped around her shoulders and badge hanging from around her neck, cradled by her breasts in a thin grey Henley t-shirt. She leaned her elbows on the table, as if trying to get a better look at Alex.

“Figure what out? You asked me to analyze samples for you,” Alex replied. Sawyer had come in to take advantage of knowing a lab tech with her own lab, thus cheating and skipping the line of her own crime lab. This was not the first time she had done this. No, Alex had already lost count of them over the past couple of weeks. Sawyer was lucky that Alex was not busy each time she came and asked very nicely for this favor. _It doesn’t hurt that she flashes those dimples each time and I can’t say no to them_.

“But, since the case file is here.” Sawyer leaned on the thick folder in front her and gave her a grin.

Alex groaned, but listened as Sawyer ran down what she had on the case. This was also not the first time for this. Sawyer picked her brain over cases, looking for help without actually saying that. Again, she could not say no. It was fun. Solving cases was fun. While that happened, her phone buzzed with more texts from Lena. She had to check, had to reply.

“Dude, who are you texting? Is it a hot chick?” Sawyer asked with a smirk as she leaned further over the table, possibly trying to sneak a peek at Alex’s phone.

Alex yelped. “No!” While Lena was definitely hot, that was not what kept them in constant contact. It was nice to be able to carry on a conversation with someone beyond Kara and not be met with a blank smile. But, she did not need anyone to know she spent most of her free time texting with her sister-in-law.

Sawyer smirked, eyes twinkling with mischief. “That didn’t sound like an honest answer. I didn’t know you had it in you, Danvers.” She wiggled her eyebrows. 

Alex frowned, growling a little to make herself more menacing. “It’s not like that.” And it was not. Lena was her sister-in-law, but she did not mention that for some reason. There was no reason to leave it out, but there was no real reason to mention it either. She did not owe Sawyer her business.

“It’s okay. I’m reliable with the ladies, too,” Sawyer said, as if to out herself, so Alex could feel comfortable, but it did not matter.

“It’s not like that,” Alex replied, but felt her cheeks were on fire. That would only make Sawyer tease her more.

Sawyer snickered. “Then focus on me for a second. I’m trying to close this case.” She held up her thumb and forefinger so close there was hardly any space in between.

Alex blew out a breath and pushed her cell phone away. She did not need Sawyer making any more comments about her texts. She also did not want to tempt Sawyer into trying to figure out who she was texting, as Sawyer was annoying enough and smart enough to get to the bottom of it and ruin way too much of Alex’s rather bare life. She listened to Sawyer fill her in about the case. She also worked on the samples.

“Any ideas?” Sawyer asked once she was done.

“I think we should get some insight from the science to make sense of the rest of the evidence,” Alex replied. They had a puzzle, but there were still too many pieces missing. They could not even tell what they were looking at yet.

-8-8-8-8-

It took a couple of days for results of the samples, which was still quite fast compared to the police crime lab. The samples held the final piece to Sawyer’s puzzle. She barely finished her explanation before she watched the light in Sawyer’s eyes brighten. It was a wonderful sight and Alex’s heart sped up a little each time she witnessed it.

“You’re so brilliant! I owe you for this!” Sawyer said and she blew a kiss to Alex as she ran out of the lab.

Alex sighed as her heart thumped a little harder in her chest. She had heard that before. “You’re much too old to be doing the pretty girl’s homework.” But, the pretty girl was pretty with dimples and rode a motorcycle and was kind of smart and did not blink in the face of danger. _The face of danger has dimples!_

Trying to put Sawyer out of her mind, Alex went back to her Lena problem, glancing at her phone. Dozens of text messages awaited her. She did not have any more advice for Lena, but that did not stop Lena from asking. Their text thread was just question after question after question. It was nice to know Lena respected her opinion and knowledge, but the well was dry and Alex did not want to admit that. She wanted to give Lena peace of mind. And then Kara called.

“Yes, Kara?” Alex asked as she moved over to her desk. There was paperwork to handle. _Maybe I should get some coffee. It might make me feel a bit better_.

“I’m sorry if Lena is pestering you about security,” Kara replied.

Alex yelped. “Pestering me?” _Does Kara know about our text thread? How?_ Alex’s heart was in her throat, beating a mile-a-minute until she realized Kara was not upset. If Kara was not upset, she could not know about the text thread. She did not know Alex spent so much time talking to her wife.

“I told her to ask you about improving security, but I didn’t think she’d badger you for days on end.”

Alex sighed and made her way to her keruig, wishing she could have something stronger than coffee thanks to that scare. “It’s fine. I’m really helping both of us with this.”

Kara laughed. “You’re right about. She feels so bad about that whole thing.”

“I know she does.” Lena could only feel bad that something she made was used to harm people. Lena was all about improving mankind. Lofty goals, but Alex could understand. She would like to improve mankind as well, removing those who would do harm from society.

Kara sniffled and her voice got quiet. “The press isn’t taking it that way and I hate that I have to defend my wife to my coworkers as they run her name through the mud.”

Alex had seen the articles, the reports, all questioning what L-Corp was up to with a drug used to steal organs. Some of the worst claimed Lena used this serial murderer as a test run for the drug. There were speculations Lena was producing far worse things and it seemed like every useless rag that called itself the news was coming up with something more outrageous than the last. Someone actually claimed Lena had the documents for Nikola Tesla’s death ray and was building it. Of course, if anyone on Earth could do it, it would be Lena, but Lena would never.

“Kara, you don’t need to defend her to me,” Alex said.

Kara sighed. She could see Kara doing her face pinch and fixing her glasses. This was hard on Kara. “Sorry, it’s becoming a habit now. I feel like I do it every minute in the office. But, thank you.”

“It’s not a problem. You know, I’m your big sister. I’m here for both of you.” She would always be there for them. She owed Kara that much considering her own bad behavior.

“You’re the best big sister!” Kara’s grin was louder than her voice.

Alex did not feel great, but she was used to that. There was something rotten inside of her. What else could explain her claims of being such a good sister all the while having a continuous secret conversation with Lena? She was rotten for still having this affection for Lena. She rubbed the center of her chest with two fingers. _Rotten_. 

“We should all hang out. It’ll help Lena and it’s been a while since we’ve all done anything together,” Kara said.

Alex should decline, but she loved being around both of them way too much. “Pizza and movies?”

“Maybe. Lena might actually want real food in a restaurant to help her feel better.”

“Tell her to spend that money on better PR.” It was unfair to blame Lena for what happened, but she was the face of L-Corp and she was a Luthor.

“You’re joking—”

“But, not really.” Lena paid people to clean up her image, so people could see the real her. Those people obviously failed at their job if one crime, yes it was serial murder and organ stealing, but it should not be the end of Lena. It was not like she was the murderer. She needed a better firm to handle her image.

Kara blew out a long breath. “Which I know and agree with you. Unfortunately, she has the best PR firm in the city right now.”

“Start looking for the best in the country then.” A knock at the door caught her attention. She looked up to see Sawyer. Sawyer smiled and waved. Alex was not expecting her back, especially not so soon.

Sawyer stepped in. “You busy?” she mouthed and pantomimed being on the phone.

Alex shook her head. “My sister,” she mouthed back. Sawyer nodded and stepped further inside.

“Alex, are you listening to me? Are you staring at a chemical reaction right now? Or a cell breaking down?” Kara asked and she could picture the pout on her sister’s face.

Alex laughed. “No.” Those were good ways to lose her attention, though.

“Well, I know you’re not in a meeting. You wouldn’t have answered,” Kara said.

That was also true. “No, but I have to go. I’ll call you back later and we can figure out how to hang out.”

“Okay. Love you. Bye.”

“Love you, too.” Alex ended the call.

Sawyer’s face twitched, but it was hard to tell if she was fighting down a frown or a smile. Her eyes had that twinkle in them, though. “Wow, that close to your sister, huh?”

Alex shrugged. “Aren’t most people close to their siblings?” Even Lena had a loving relationship with Lex and he was a psychopath.

Sawyer shook her head. “I don’t know about all of that.”

Alex did not know what to make of that and was not sure where she and Sawyer stood to ask. Yes, Sawyer came to her with evidence to test and case files, but their interactions stopped there. “So, what can I do for you now, detective?”

Sawyer blinked. “Oh. So, I arrested the guy.”

“You just left.” That coffee that she put on was only just ready, yet when she retrieved it, she discovered it was cold. _What? How?_ She was certain she had not spent that much time lost in her own thoughts. _You probably did. You often do_.

Sawyer scoffed and glanced over at the wall clock. “I left like three hours ago, Danvers. Did you get lost in your microscope or your phone?”

Alex’s face scrunched up now. “My phone?”

Sawyer nodded. “Yeah, you’re always texting. I find it hard to believe it’s not a significant other. You tend to look way too happy. Eyes all sparkling and whatnot.”

 _Damn, she’s really observant_. Alex did not know her face said anything as she texted Lena. _Damn this feeling_. When would it go away or at least transform into something more appropriate? She really wished she could just cut it out of her, cut out all of the rotten parts. _But, how much of you would be left?_

“Anyway. I was hoping I could buy you a drink as thanks for helping me with the case. I couldn’t solve it without you.” There were those damn dimples again. There was something else in her eyes, too, but Alex was not sure what. The glimmer was different.

Alex’s brow wrinkled, almost certain something more was in play, but also highly doubtful. She was so bad at this, figuring out social shit. It was probably nothing. _Don’t overthink it_. She was a pro at that, though. _And to think, she actually considers you reliable with the ladies. Doesn’t know you at all_.

“You don’t have to think of an excuse not to go so hard. You can just tell me no,” Sawyer said with a laugh.

Alex shook her head, not realizing how long she had taken to answer. “No, it’s not that. It’s just you don’t have to buy me a drink. I’m always happy to help get a murderer off the street.”

“Yeah, but you went above and beyond today. Beyond being on your phone, you worked on my stuff exclusively. You didn’t bother with your own work. It deserves a drink.”

 _Why not?_ “Well, I won’t twist your arm to reconsider.”

Sawyer smiled. “Good to know.”

Why was that good to know? “Let me just clean up here.” She looked around her lab. There was not much to clean up, but it would give her time to figure out what the hell was going on.

“Take your time.”

Alex cleaned as quickly as she could and tried to ignore Sawyer’s eyes on her. Butterflies took up residency in her stomach. But, why? Drinks did not mean anything. Just a thanks. _Maybe I’m nervous because this’ll just give Sawyer more time to tease me_. It seemed to be Sawyer’s favorite pastime.

“Ready?” Alex asked as she grabbed her leather jacket from a small closet she had in the office/lab space.

“Waiting for you.” Sawyer smiled once more.

Those dimples would be the death of Alex. They stopped her heart every time she saw them. As they exited the building, Alex caught eyes with Vasquez, who arched an eyebrow. Alex shrugged and Vasquez had the nerve to shoot her a thumbs up. She would have to explain things that were not like that.

“You rode your bike?” Sawyer asked as they hit the street.

“I always do,” Alex replied. One of the best things about living in Southern California was the weather was almost always good for a bike ride. 

“Then we can ride together. It’ll be fun.”

And it was. If Alex knew where they were going, she would have raced Sawyer, especially since Sawyer revved her engine a couple of times in challenge. They pulled up to a bar that did not seem like a cop bar. A rainbow flag hung above the door, which was framed with dark wood. Large, inviting windows showed off the inside. There were more flags of inclusion around the booths and tables along with pictures of famous LGBTQA people. Sawyer got the door and a chime went off.

“I assume you don’t come here with coworkers,” Alex said as she stepped into the establishment. It had a sweet smell to it, not like a lot of bars.

Sawyer laughed as the door closed behind her. “Not many.”

Alex sat at a bar with Sawyer next to her. Did Sawyer know this would become a tradition for them? Because it did. Very quickly, too.

-8-8-8-8-

Alex curled up in the opposite end of Kara and Lena’s large, black leather sectional. Kara and Lena were cuddled together at the other end. A movie played on the television, but Alex was not sure what it was. She spent her time watching Kara hold Lena. They were so cute.

Despite the poisonous affection rotting her core, Alex did not doubt she made the right decision when she introduced Kara to Lena. Kara was so happily married, she should be on a billboard to advertise the institution. With that being said, Alex still delighted in being able to share space with Lena. Whenever they arranged these moments, she could not wait, but there was always that rotten feel. Lena glancing at her, calling her attention, did not help.

“Hey, you okay over there?” Kara asked. She was in comfortable sweats and a Stanford college tee, which definitely was not hers. But, then again, Lena wore Kara’s college shirt, so at least there was an excuse for it. Of course, the shirt Lena had on was a sweatshirt, but Alex knew better than to argue the issue with either of the shirt-thieves.

“I’m fine.” Alex waved the question off and tucked her legs underneath her a little tighter. Her behavior was not normal, but she was a little too raw right now to go lean on them. She did not trust herself. A near-stranger was able to see her affections for Lena in some text messaging. Who knew what Kara might be able to see if she was too close to Lena. She could not chance it. “I’m surprised we actually did pizza and a movie.”

“Hey, I arranged the menu, the venue, the seating.” Kara grinned as she motioned around them. This was just like her, something cozy, almost intimate. “I like to think I crushed it.” She nodded to the containers before them.

There were two empty pizza boxes on the coffee table with an empty box of wings. Their wine glasses were refilled, though. Before Lena, wine with pizza would have seemed decedent, but now it only made sense. Kara had actually spent a great deal of time at the beginning of their evening trying to figure out what wine would pair well with her hot wings.

“I was sold on cuddles, but I feel ripped off,” Lena said, hands covered by the sleeves of her shirt. Her feet were bare and her legs clad in green leggings that left very little to the imagination. 

Kara nodded and kissed the top of Lena’s head, which was tucked under her chin. “Yeah. I feel ripped off, too.” She gave Alex a pointed look. “You’re messing up the seating portion of the evening.”

Alex snorted. “You’re such a brat. You ate the last slice of pizza—”

Kara cut in. “You gave it to me.”

That was true, as it was often the case. “Now, you’re going to tell me where to sit.”

“Come here.” Kara held her arms open, even though she would end up curled against Alex if history was anything to go by.

Alex rolled her eyes, but moved closer to the couple. There was some shuffling, but as predicted, Kara ended up resting against Alex’s side with her head on Alex’s shoulder. Lena rested in Kara’s lap. As soon as they settled, Alex’s phone buzzed and they all felt it vibrate. Alex ignored it at first, but it happened several times in close succession. Lena turned to Alex with a teasing smile, but there was something more in her eyes, like a question she dare not ask.

“Someone is certainly popular,” Lena said.

“It’s nothing.” Alex glanced at her phone.

Kara grinned and jabbed her with her pointy elbow. “Is it that the detective?”

“It’s nothing!” Alex laughed. It was Sawyer, but they were discussing motorcycle parts. It was nothing.

Kara leaned down to stage whisper into Lena’s ear. “She’s got the hots for the detective.” Lena’s eyes went wide.

“I do not! We’re just friends. She’s customizing her bike and we’re talking about different parts and what she could do,” Alex said.

Lena laughed. “You just know how to smooth talk all the girls, huh?”

Alex could feel heat rush to her cheeks. It was not like that. They were friends. Sure, Sawyer flirted sometimes, but she learned quickly that was Sawyer’s personality. It was nothing, even if her heart did weird things around Sawyer on occasion.

Kara smiled. “It’s okay, Alex. You should go for it.”

Lena stared at her, as if she wanted to say something, but she had nothing. Alex did not know what to say. It was not like she owed Lena anything. Lena was married. Alex had a right to find someone, not that Sawyer was that someone. Although, she did not like the way Sawyer’s mind worked. _No, don’t go down that road_.

“She doesn’t like me like that. We’re just coworkers,” Alex replied.

“Oh, now you’re coworkers. That was a quick downgrade,” Lena said.

Alex shrugged. “You guys are making it more than it is. Let’s just watch the movie.” She motioned to the giant television on the wall.

“Maybe you need to make more of a thing out of it,” Kara said.

Lena grinned and poked her. “You are every girl’s dream.”

Alex rolled her eyes. She was an awkward nerd at best and she knew that before she knew she liked girls. Even when she had been the girl every girl wanted, she needed alcohol to pick women up. When they got to know the nerd underneath the party girl, they lost interest fast, not willing to try to keep up with her hobbies and rarely able to hold a conversation with her. The only woman who seemed to like her for her and could keep up with her was Lena. No one else was too impressed with her and that was fine. She was content. Kara and Lena and her career were enough. _I’m satisfied with this_.

-8-8-8-8-

Alex was back out with Sawyer at the bar. They were there at least three times a week now. Sometimes, it was to celebrate closing a case and other times it was to just unwind. Alex wanted to invite Vasquez a couple of times, as she would like the little bar, but that did not seem right. She did not have the right to share Sawyer’s bar.

“You know you were right about the part,” Sawyer said, bringing Alex out of her thoughts and back to their conversation.

Alex scoffed and sipped her drink. “I told you.”

“And you’re not smug about it at all.” Sawyer smirked.

Alex rolled her eyes. “Like you aren’t when you’re right.”

Sawyer laughed. “You still got that bruise?”

“Shut up.” Alex glared at her.

“You’re cute when you’re embarrassed.”

Alex groaned. “Why do I hang out with you?”

“I know where to get the good whiskey.” Sawyer winked.

Alex glanced at her glass. “You sure as hell do.”

“You doing anything tomorrow? I gotta do my weapon’s qualification and I figure I could whip your ass at targets while I’m at it.”

Alex looked at her like she was crazy. “Oh, you sure you want to try? I don’t want to embarrass you around colleagues.”

Sawyer pursed her lips. “Ah, so no trying to kick me off my crime scene this time.”

“It was my crime scene.”

“I got there first, so I beg to differ.”

Alex scoffed. “A crime scene is not first come first serve. Not only am I senior agent—”

Sawyer cut in. “You were also late.”

“I wasn’t late either. I got the case on the way to the office.”

“So you claim.” Sawyer glanced at the television over the bar and frowned.

Alex looked, too. L-Corp was in the news again. There were still investigations into the stolen drugs. People refused to let it go, even though it was now two months ago, L-Corp had new security measures, and the thief-murderer was in jail awaiting trial. But, ten people were dead and carved up. That was hard to get over.

“I can’t believe people are still blaming L-Corp over this. If someone steals a gun and shoots someone with it, do we blame the person they stole the gun from,” Sawyer said.

“Sometimes people do. Besides, you know how people feel about the Luthor name,” Alex replied. She understood why people were still going on about this, but that did not make it any less annoying. Lena was doing her best to make sure nothing like this could ever happen again and no one seemed to be giving her credit for that. They just dragged her through the mud.

“Yeah, but Lex is the bad one. I mean, talk about an amoral loser. Who experiments on people and thinks it’s okay? So, yeah, fine to drag him, but he’s not there anymore. L-Corp is headed by the hot sister now.”

Alex frowned. Sawyer was not wrong, but she did not want to hear anyone, especially Sawyer, objectifying Lena. Lena worked too hard and was too smart for anyone to reduce her to just a pretty face.

“You okay?” Sawyer asked.

“Lena Luthor is more than just hot. She’s amazing. She has more degrees than I have fingers. She’s been fighting for that damn company for years, doing all sorts of good and whenever she sneezes the press act like she’s turning into the new evil Luthor and about to destroy the world. And she stands her ground, even when it looks like her company is bleeding and the press is trying to force her to retreat. She shows true leadership,” Alex said.

Sawyer blinked. “Damn. You’re right. You’re cheerleading for her like you put her on a science nerd pedestal, gushing about her elegance and eloquence like you’re her girlfriend.” She gave Alex a shove.

Alex froze at the girlfriend remark and almost tipped over. _You idiot! Why can’t you just be normal?_ She wanted the floor to swallow her whole, but that was not about to happen. She had to get out of here, cool off, and maybe find a proper therapist.

“Um… I’ve got to go. I’ll pay you back for the drink later.” Alex rushed off of her bar stool. She almost fell on her face.

“Danvers, wait!” Sawyer reached out and grabbed Alex by the hand. It was like lightning went through them, but turned like a warm spread in less than a second. Alex could hardly recall words for a long moment. It was fine. Sawyer did the talking. “Sorry. I was just teasing. It’s cool if you’re a fan. In fact, it’s a little cute.”

Alex glared. “I am not cute.”

“You being a Luthor fan girl is adorable. Come on, sit down. I promise to save the teasing for another time.” She held up her free hand in surrender. 

Alex wanted to keep storming out, but Sawyer still had her hand. There was still such warmth. It was alien, invading, but Alex never wanted it to leave. She sat back down, hoping to never lose the hand holding.

“So, you’ll come to the range with me?” Sawyer smiled and there were those damn dimples. Warm hand on hers, dimples flashing, Sawyer could have asked her for national secrets and she would have spilled them all. _I am helpless_.

-8-8-8-8-

The issues with L-Corp kept coming up and spilled into Alex’s life in a way no one needed, text messages from Lena, questions from reporters about the investigation, which she could not answer, and other annoying things that she wished to avoid, especially when she was at home. Then Lena called her. That was weird. Lena never called her and she was supposed to be at a banquet tonight. 

“Lena, what’s wrong?” Alex asked.

“Alex! Hospital! Kara!” Lena screamed and then hiccuped.

Alex was up in moving already. “Lena, calm down! What happened to Kara?” _Where are my keys? Wallet?_ Same place she always kept them, bowl on the end table by the door. _What else do you need?_ Probably shoes. It was dangerous to ride her bike in her fuzzy socks.

“Shot! Kara! Shot!”

Alex’s heart leaped in her throat. Kara was shot, hurt, in the hospital. Alex was tempted to try to ride her bike in her socks, but it would not do anyone any good if she wiped out. She put on actual socks and shoved her feet in her boots as she grabbed her wallet and keys. She yanked her jacket off the hook and left, thankful her door locked automatically when closed. 

Of course the ride to the hospital took forever. She focused to push away the unimaginable. Kara would be fine. Kara had to be fine. _Stay alive_. 

Lena kept calling Alex, wanting to know where she was and how long it would take her to get there, so that did not help. It did help her keep away the unimaginable. _Stay alive_.

Somehow, she did not crash her motorcycle and managed to legally park it when she got to the hospital. Lena bordered on hysterical, even when Alex found her in the emergency room waiting area. Lena paced, high heels on her feet and dressed like she was at a gala like she was supposed to be, and then she locked eyes with Alex. Lena flung herself into Alex’s arms and let loose a wail that almost broke reality. She then wept on Alex. Alex held her tight, wanting to keep her from crumbling.

“What happened?” Alex asked.

Lena could not find the words, mumbling nonsense into Alex’s shoulder. Alex’s heart was set to explode, but then a doctor came to fill them in. Kara was shot. She was fine. The bullet was through and through. Kara was in bed, asking for ice cream.

Tension ruled Alex’s body until that bright smile hit her as they stepped into Kara’s room. Kara was definitely fine, even though her arm was in a sling. The bullet had passed through her shoulder. Lena fell on Kara, crying on her. Kara embraced her with her good arm.

“Darling, that was supremely reckless!” Lena through her sobs. Her face was a mess, makeup smeared, tear streaks, and puffy. It did not matter, though, because there was such relief in her emerald eyes.

Kara laughed and then winced a little. “I’m fine.”

“What happened?” Alex asked, standing next to the bed. She studied Kara’s face. She looked all right, lines under her eyes and a bit pale, but that was understandable. She had just gotten out of surgery after being shot, after all. They did not have to live with the unimaginable. 

“Kara jumped in front of a bullet for me!” Lena replied.

That sounded like Kara. “Well, I couldn’t let you get shot,” Kara said. Sounded reasonable, too.

Lena managed to glare at Kara through her tears. “That’s why I have bodyguards.”

“They weren’t fast enough!”

Alex dropped into a nearby chain and breathed easy. Kara was alive and well. Kara and Lena were arguing over Kara literally jumping in front of a bullet for the love of life. It would be adorable if Kara was not in a hospital bed and there was not some crazy person out to kill Lena.

Police came in not too much later, having some questions for Lena and Kara. Alex stuck around, wanting to make sure her sisters were treated fairly by NCPD and the officers were competent. The assassination attempt came because “Luthors are dangerous,” according to the would-be killer. The gunman had been caught. Witnesses identified him. There was video.

“It’s very likely he was working alone, but we can leave an officer here just in case,” the lead detective said.

“It’s fine. I have bodyguards,” Lena said. Not to mention an FBI agent standing right there, but no need to play that card.

The police were gone and that was about the end of that. Alex sat back down in her chair while Lena crawled in bed with Kara, resting her head against Kara’s good shoulder. Kara looked content, even though she did not get her ice cream. Alex wanted to crawl out of her skin. Someone tried to kill Lena. Someone shot her sister and she had not been there. There was nothing she could do. _Rotten_.

-8-8-8-8-

It was a few days later, when Kara was home and Lena was taking care of her. Alex had nothing to do. Kara had been shot and did not need her. Lena could have been assassinated and did not need her. She could have lost her two favorite people and they did not need her.

Alex ended up at the bar she hung out with Sawyer. Sawyer happened to text her while she was lost in thought and her glass was empty. Sawyer showed up at Alex’s request. Sawyer was there and that was good. Maybe Sawyer could need her.

It seemed like forever and no time at all for that smile and those dimples to arrive. Sawyer saddled up to her and sat down, patting Alex’s thigh. Alex could have floated away. Yeah, maybe Sawyer could need her.

“Looks like you got a big head start on me,” Sawyer said, nodding toward her empty glass.

Alex grinned. “Let’s catch you up.” She waved the bartender over. She was not sure how many Sawyer needed to catch up, but one was a great place to start.

Sawyer put her hand on the small of Alex’s back and there was that warmth again. “No, let’s help sober you up. I know a good coffee shop. Come on.”

“Oh, a coffee shop date.”

Sawyer laughed, but helped Alex off of the bar stool, taking Alex’s hand as she did so. Alex was not sure how, but she managed to stay on her feet, but the world seemed to be on a slight tilt. They stepped out into the warm night. Wait, was it warm or was it Sawyer’s hand around her own? Alex stopped walking. She needed to know.

“Sawyer,” Alex said.

Sawyer gave her hand a little tug. “Come on. The coffee shop’s just on the next street. You’ll love it. The coffee is amazing.”

Alex bet it was. Everything Sawyer shared with her was amazing, especially in such a heavy world. She just wanted to feel light again. She wanted to feel… to feel… She did not even know. But, she did know. She knew she needed Sawyer. So, she stepped forward and kissed Sawyer. She could have sworn Sawyer kissed back for a second before Sawyer stepped back. Alex could see it in her eyes before Sawyer even said anything. And the world turned upside down.

She was wrong. Sawyer did not need her, did not want her. Alex could probably write a book on how to ruin her own life.

-8-8-8-8-

Next time: things get worse for Alex on the Sawyer and Lena fronts.


	4. Right and Wrong

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don’t own these characters. DC/the CW does. I don’t own the following things that get mentioned in this chapter: Grease (the movie), Onward, Frozen, Lilo and Stitch, Mary Poppins Returns, and Hamilton.

4: Right and Wrong

Alex liked to think she was used to rejection. What she was not used to was feeling stupid. She was not stupid. She had a medical degree and a PhD for crying out loud. She had all sorts of qualifications in the FBI. She had led classes and workshops with her expertise and experience. Now, she was not saying she was the smartest person in the room all the time, no. She hung out with Lena Luthor too often for that to be the case, but she was not stupid.

 _If I’m not stupid, how could I do something this stupid?_ She kissed Sawyer in some desperate attempt to give meaning to her gloomy existence, thinking for some reason that Sawyer might like her beyond a friendship. She even fooled herself into thinking Sawyer kissed her back. The look in Sawyer’s eyes said it all. Stupid. But, then Sawyer spoke and said more.

“I’m with someone,” Sawyer said.

Because, of course she was. Why wouldn’t she be? Sawyer was witty and charming and wonderful. He was brave, selfless, and there for drunken idiots like Alex. Of course she had someone and, of course, she did not need Alex ruining that. Of course she did not need Alex.

“Look, you’re great—” Sawyer started, but Alex had heard this speech too often.

Alex held up her hand. “It’s fine.” It was. It was life as she knew it. “I should head home.” No need to further embarrass herself.

“Alex, at least let me help you home,” Sawyer said.

“No, it’s fine. I’ve got it,” Alex replied and rushed off in the opposite direction. She did not live this way, not that it mattered. She lived too far to walk home, anyway. She just needed to be away from her own stupidity.

“Alex, wait!”

Alex did not. She could not be sure, but she thought she heard “I’ll call you.” That was a lie, and she did not need any of her advanced degrees to realize that.

Alex made it home, sweaty thanks to the hot night, and the long walk. She showered and managed to get into some pajamas, shorts and sleeveless t-shirt. She collapsed in bed and woke up to a text, from Lena, not Sawyer. A text from Lena tended to brighten her day. It tended to get her brain going and helped the morning along.

That was not the case today. **Humans are awful creatures. There are people saying Kara deserved what happened to her and worse. They’re saying someone should’ve harvested her organs.**

Alex groaned, her head throbbing as she responded. **You know better than to be on social media. Stay off it.** She was not sure why Lena was on any social media sites now. Humanity was a cesspool and social media was the bottom of the horrible barrel. They all were supposed to stay off of social media, unless they were specifically looking at things that made them happy.

**Maybe if I checked it more often, I would’ve known people were literally gunning for me.**

Alex yawned and scratched her head, mussing her short hair more than she already knew it was. **You pay people for that. Let them do their jobs.** If Lena did not let those people do what they were supposed to, she would go out of her mind.

**They obviously aren’t. PR isn’t working. My security got tied up because other people were at the banquet to harm me and that’s why Kara was injured. I just want to help people, but they all think I’m a demon. They think this so much, they’re fine with Kara being hurt. With Kara being killed and carved up!**

That last bit was like a punch to Alex’s already cramping stomach. She should eat something, but she was not ready to get out of bed. Instead, she focused on responding to Lena. **I know, Lena. Don’t take it to heart.** Of course it was hard, especially with Kara being hurt and someone daring to suggest Kara should have been hurt more. That solved nothing. 

**But humans are evil. How could anyone wish harm on Kara?**

Alex agreed. Her sister was the most trusting, kindest, sweetest person on Earth. Only a monster would want to hurt her. These people did not know Kara or Lena. There was no reason to hurt either of them. Lena did just want to help people. She had nothing to do with the guy stealing and using her product for evil. She had been developing the drug for the good of mankind. Why did no one see that?

Lena continued on. **First, this man steals a drug I was developing to help organ transplants and uses it to cause unbelievable harm and now this. I understand anger, but to try to kill me? To hurt Kara and say she deserved worse? Those things don’t make any sense.**

Alex sighed and rolled over onto her back. She rubbed her eyes as this was clearly going to take up at least her morning. **Lena don’t let that consume your thoughts. You should take a break.** She knew better than anybody the dark places a mind could go when Kara was threatened and, worse, injured. 

**Take a break? I have to do more. I have to do something. Kara was hurt, hospitalized. How can this not consume my thoughts?** She could imagine Lena’s frown and how her angry fingers pressed on her phone as she typed that out.

Alex blew out a breath and tried to think of what to tell Lena as it felt like her brain was ready to ooze out of her ear. It hurt that Lena was aching so much and her heart went out to Lena in the worst way. **Okay, you’re right.** **Turn your concerns into actions. That’s what you do. People are awful. Fix it.** Lena’s whole goal was to have L-Corp help people, so she needed to remind people of that.

The reply took a moment. **You’re right.**

 **Have a good day, Lena.** Alex got up to begin her day. She had work. _Gotta look somewhat alive, at the least_.

While no one would say anything about how Alex looked, she knew agents liked to gossip about her behind her back. Most of the time, she did not care, but right now, everything was raw and shredded within her. She needed to feel good about herself. Or at least project that she felt good about herself.

So, she took a shower, even though she took one last night. This one was about scrubbing away the grim of her mistakes. This was about regaining her intelligence, her cool. _I’m not stupid_.

She should put Sawyer behind her. She had moped about being needed, but it sounded like Lena needed her. And, she was Kara’s big sister. Kara needed her and she would be there in Kara’s corner. That put some pride in her spine and got her moving. She needed to be there for them.

She finished getting ready with more speed than she was used to and still had to put a move on it. She needed to get going since she had to take the bus to work. Once she made it to work, she was able to grab some coffee and a bagel for breakfast in the cafe in the lobby. She started to feel human again as she sipped her coffee and went up to her office. Her head still hurt, but she would not have to deal with many people as long as she stayed in her office for the day. _I should’ve taken my own advice and took a break, but I need to get some work done_.

Alex went through the motions of doing her paperwork until it felt like she had been there long enough and done enough work to call Kara and check on her. Kara smiled as soon as she popped up on FaceTime. Of course, that made Alex smile.

“Alex!” Kara’s voice was a happy chirp as always and her smile was as bright as always. Hard to believe some jerk shot her or tried to hurt her wife.

“How are you feeling?” Alex asked.

“Sore, but I’m getting all the donuts I want.” Kara moved the phone, so Alex could see the box of donuts on the coffee table. It looked like Kara had already eaten quite a few. She grabbed one with chocolate on top and shoved most of it in her mouth.

Alex chuckled. “So, heaven?”

“Of course.” She took another big bite out of her donut. “I get all the treats I want and Lena’s waiting on me hand and foot. It’s awesome.” There was another smile, but there was no light in her eyes like when she was truly happy.

Alex knew Kara too well. She might have that happy face on, but she was boiling over that someone tried to harm Lena. It was just that she could not do anything about it at the moment, so she hid her rage under her cheery facade. It was an old habit. A bad habit, but Alex was the last person to speak on bad habits.

Kara giggled as she gobbled down the rest of her donut in her mouth. “Yup, and Ms. Grant gave me permission to write a three article series about my experience, which is good, so I can explain Lena to everyone. They can get to know her through me.”

“So, you’re going to write Lena out of this mess?”

“I can write my way out, her way out. I’ve got this.”

“And you’re going to out yourself as Lena’s wife.” It was teasing. Kara never hid her marriage. It just was not something they broadcasted. It was a little funny when people assumed Kara and Lena were best friends. But, then again, Kara and Lena were best friends, which made their marriage even sweeter. 

Kara laughed. “It’s still funny to me that people are surprised we’re married.”

“Same last names help.” Neither of them had taken the other’s name and they did not hyphenate either.

“We know, but we want to make it on our own. You know how we are. How are you? You gonna come by and see me?”

“You want me to bring you pot-stickers.” It would be nice to see Kara. It might help her get her head together and she would be able to help Kara focus rather than let her anger eat away at her insides.

“Well, I was shot. I deserve all the pot-stickers.”

Alex smiled. “You do. That was reckless.”

Kara rolled her eyes, but had the good manners not to mention Alex would have done the same thing. But, Alex was a trained FBI agent while Kara was protective and impulsive. “Believe me, Lena hasn’t let me forget. But, better me than her.”

“I’d rather neither of you.” Alex would take bullets for both of them, as well as shoot whoever the hell dared hurt them. _In fact, I should check on what’s going on with the asshole who shot Kara_. Yes, he was arrested, but she wanted him to suffer if possible.

“That would be ideal.” Blue eyes looked away. Something had Kara’s attention. “Oh, I have to go. See you later.”

“Yeah, see you later.” Alex sighed and put the phone down. She had work to do and samples to check on. Plus, calls to make to find out about the shooter. Yes, NCPD made it seem like it was open and shut, but she did not trust them.

She kept busy. She had more than enough to keep her mind going, trying not to think about Sawyer. While doing her work, she got a few emails about the shooter. He was still in jail, denied bail, and facing a slew of charges. Phone calls also came into her office phone, some about work, and others assuring her that the shooter was alone, so Kara and Lena were not in immediate danger. That was good. Well, not in danger from that guy, but there could be others. 

Lena said her bodyguards had been preoccupied with other threats and that was how the shooter got close to her. The police and her own people, the FBI, were listening out to make sure no one else tried to assassinate the CEO of L-Corp. She checked to make sure Lena had her own people watching her back, too. They needed as many people as possible on this. She would not allow for anyone to harm Kara or Lena. She would not be able to live with herself if something happened, something.

As it all started coming into her, Alex got a chance to realize she almost lost Kara. The very thought was horrifying. It was unimaginable. She shook those thoughts away, would not let them creep up on her. She had to keep busy.

Alex was properly distracted, moving about her office and lab, going from paperwork to evidence samples, when her cell phone buzzed. She took her time getting it. She did not want to get her hopes up that it was Sawyer. Still, her heart jumped in her chest.

But, it was Lena and that made her smile. Science back on her brain. _Guess she didn’t take a break_. It was good that Lena was doing what Lena did, though. Lena had to piece herself back together as best she could and Alex was more than happy to help with that. 

**I need a favor**. That was unusual for Lena to say, but they were in unusual times.

 **Anything**. Anything within reason, but still, Alex was pretty sure there was nothing she would not do for Lena.

Lena’s request was within reason. She wanted contact information for a neuroscientist Alex was “friends” with. Alex just happened to know the woman in passing, as she was not really friends with anyone. Alex passed it along, not thinking much of it. It was good Lena wanted to do science. It would help her stop worrying.

Alex went about her day, trying not to wait for Sawyer to reach out. She never did. Alex was not surprised. She ruined that. _You always ruin your own life_. There was more than enough evidence of that, like her continued desire for Lena’s attention. Love and life did not discriminate, but whether Alex acted or waited, she got nothing back. 

-8-8-8-8-

Alex secured the bag of pot-stickers and dumplings for Kara as she let herself into Kara and Lena’s home. It was quiet as she made her way through the penthouse, but she could hear voices as she made her way deeper into the massive space. The couple was in the bedroom, cuddled together in their king-sized bed, watching a movie on a large television on the wall opposite the bed.

“Hey,” Alex said in a low voice, not wanting to disturb the scene. It was almost impossible to find Lena and Kara in the bed with so many pillows and their blanket pulled up around them.

“Alex and pot-stickers!” Kara beamed, throwing her hands up.

Alex laughed. “At least I got top billing.”

“Better than usual,” Lena said.

That was true. “Yeah, she doesn’t usually acknowledge me at all with pot-stickers.”

“That was me with the donuts earlier,” Lena said.

Kara smiled. “You know how I feel about you and you know how I feel about pot-stickers.” She turned to Lena and kissed her cheek. “Just like you know how I feel about you and how I feel about donuts.”

“She loves them more than us,” Lena said.

“I always suspected,” Alex replied.

“Hey, hey, hey!” Kara waved them off with her good arm.

Alex rolled her eyes and handed over her bounty. Kara practically snatched the bag. She hugged the bag to her chest and then wiggled over, making space for Alex. Well, really signaling that she wanted Alex to stay. Alex settled down next to her and looked at the television. _Grease_. She should have known.

“How many times have you watched this?” Alex asked. It was Kara’s go-to movie when she was expected to stay in bed for a long stretch of time. She sang every song.

“We have a system. I’m not watching _Grease_ on a loop,” Lena replied.

“What about _Onward_?” Kara asked with a laugh.

Lena groaned. “You just like _Onward_ because siblings. Same reasons you’re so stuck on _Frozen_.”

Kara grinned. “Don’t forget _Lilo and Stitch_ , too.”

Alex chuckled and rubbed Kara’s head. “My little Stitch.”

“Hey!” Kara gave her a non-threatening glare. “Despite Alex being mean right now, siblings rule. You know that.” Kara bumped Lena with her shoulder. Lena chuckled and pressed a kiss to Kara’s shoulder. They were so adorable. But, watching them left a hollow space inside of Alex. Typically, she could ignore it, but it throbbed for some reason now.

“I love that you’re accusing me of being mean when I just brought you pot-stickers. Guess I’ll never do that again,” Alex said.

Kara gasped. “No, no, no. I love you, I love you, I love you. Come on, stay awhile.” She slapped the pillow next to her.

Alex kicked her boots off and made herself comfortable on the bed. They watched _Grease_ for the umpteenth time as Kara carefully ate her pot-stickers and managed to sing along. When they found a new movie, the _Mary Poppins_ sequel or remake or whatever the hell it was, Lena got up.

“Take me with you,” Alex said.

“One of us has to stay here with Kara. It should be you,” Lena replied.

“Why should it be me? You agreed until death do you part,” Alex said.

Lena shrugged. “If I have to watch this one more time, I’m going to kill Kara.”

“What? This movie is amazing,” Kara said.

“The original, yes. This is a mess,” Lena replied.

“Well, this won’t do. I want a divorce,” Kara said.

Lena scoffed. “You’re not the only Danvers who’ll have me.” She left the room with Alex’s face on fire.

Kara laughed. “I get Alex in the divorce!” she shouted after Lena.

“That’s what you think!” Lena shot back.

Kara rested against Alex. “Who I am kidding, we’d have joint custody. You can do all the science stuff with Lena. I know you both love it.”

Alex wanted to sink into the bed. Kara did not know the extent she and Lena loved “all the science stuff.” It did not need to be a secret, but it was. In the face of divorce, they would need to throw her away. She did not deserve people.

“Hey, we can watch something else if you really don’t want to watch _Mary Poppins._ We’re really into _Hamilton_ again since it’s streaming and I don’t think you’ve seen it,” Kara said.

“Huh? No, this is fine.”

“You sure? Your face is all…” Kara scowled and traced a circle around her face with her finger.

Alex shook her head, hoping it would fix her face. She should not worry about her own woes. She needed to be support for Kara and Lena. She was there for them. They mattered.

“I’m good.” Alex brushed some of Kara’s hair out of her face. Kara studied her and wrinkled her nose in that way that showed she did not buy it.

She focused on the movie, even though they watched it at least a hundred times. Kara sang the songs and mouthed the dialogue as she gobbled down pot-stickers and dumplings. By the time Kara was ready for the next movie, she was also ready for more food. Alex got up to find Lena and see what she wanted since Kara had favorites all over. Lena was bent over her workbench in her workshop.

“You look like you’re working hard,” Alex said.

“I was struck with inspiration. People are awful. I want them to not be awful,” Lena replied.

Alex could not argue that. She was one of those awful people. “Well, you can’t do it on an empty stomach. I’m ordering for your songbird. What do you want?”

Lena’s eyes never left her plans. “It doesn’t matter.”

Alex snorted. “It does. If I don’t get it just right, you’ll claim you’re not hungry, so you can keep working.”

Lena sighed and looked up at her. “That’s just our way, isn’t it?”

“Yes, and Kara can’t badger you while she’s stuck in bed, so I have to do it.”

Lena laughed and turned to look at Alex for a moment. There was a light in her eyes, inspiration driving her to make the world a better place. “You damn Danvers. Fine. Surprise me since you know me so well.”

Alex snorted. “Challenge me why don’t you.”

Ordering food for all of them was not hard, nor was it hard to stick around for the rest of the day until they had to sleep. Hard was going home and being alone. Hard was not hearing from Sawyer. Hard was facing how utterly alone she was.

-8-8-8-8-

Time went by and Alex had not heard from Sawyer. Lena was quiet, too, but she knew the cause there. Lena was working on some big project to change the world. Sawyer was probably enjoying life with her girlfriend. Shock shot through her when Sawyer stepped onto her crime scene, the parking lot of a bank. Sawyer swaggered over to her, all confidence as usual, draped in her black leather jacket.

“Sawyer, why is NCPD at my bank robbery?” Alex asked, testier than she meant. There was no reason for local law enforcement to be there. There was barely a reason for her to be there. Bank robbery was far from her expertise, but chemicals were involved and that was her wheelhouse.

Sawyer gave her a rather nonchalant shrug, like her anger did not mean anything. And why should it? It was not like she meant anything to Sawyer. “A couple of your bank robbers are suspects in a homicide.”

Alex blew out a breath and scratched her forehead. “Of course they are.” From what she could tell about the group, they probably had all been collectively charged with every crime on the books. After all, it was not an ordinary criminal who decided to rob a bank with a chemical weapon. “You know we’re not handing them over, right?” It was not personal. Sawyer had to know that.

Sawyer scowled and the fire in her eyes was hot. “At least let me question the homicide suspects.”

Alex had no problem with that, even as her guts trembled. She had never felt like this, like she wanted to throw up. _Because you’re stupid and you ruin things and one of those things is staring you right in the face right now_. Alex swallowed all of that down and focused on being professional, like Sawyer was.

“You can question them down at FBI HQ. We can overwhelm all of them. ATF will probably show up any second now, even though the explosives were disarmed.” Alex looked around. There were FBI black SUVs and several NCPD cop cars. She was a little surprised by how late the ATF was to the party.

Sawyer arched an eyebrow. “They used a bomb to rob the bank?”

“They did a lot of stuff to rob the bank. It was like seven bank robbery plans for one bank. I’ve got to go…” Alex pointed away. Her cool was drained, her error running through her mind on a loop, reminding her that she ruined everything. She had to get away.

“Hey, Danvers,” Sawyer called after she was a few steps away. “We should talk later.”

“Yeah, sure.” It did not matter. She rushed off. Sawyer would not talk to her anyway. After all, there was all this time they could have talked and Sawyer had been silent.

Alex avoided Sawyer at the crime scene and made it back to her office/lab without being bothered beyond being handed things for her normal duties. She did not take into account Sawyer knew where to find her. After about an hour, Sawyer found her hunched over her computer. Alex did not have the strength for this.

“Hey, Danvers,” Sawyer said.

“Sawyer,” Alex replied with her heart in her stomach, being dissolved by the acid there. She tried to keep her focus on her computer, but she could hardly remember what she was even doing. She glanced at Sawyer, but made it seem like she was still working.

Sawyer nibbled her bottom lip for a moment, which did not help. “So, I sort of vanished for a while.”

Alex waved that off. “It’s okay. You have your life and everything. Your partner.” _Why the fuck did you say that? Why not literally shoot yourself in the foot while you’re at it?_ That would probably be less painful than this. Hell, it would probably get her out of this.

“Yeah, about her…” Sawyer blew out a breath as she rubbed the back of her neck, daring to look adorably sheepish. “Sorry I never mentioned her.”

Alex’s heart pinged, cracked, and turned to dust. _Why is she doing this to me?_ “You don’t owe me anything. I had no right to touch you.”

Sawyer glanced away. “It’s fine.”

Now, Alex frowned. She did not need this type of cop out. She knew better. “Obviously not. That was not right of me and I’m sorry.”

“Look, my relationship is complicated, but you’re a good friend. I shouldn’t have handled things that way.”

Alex shook her head. “It’s your business.” She needed this conversation to be over and start to figure out what the hell she would do the next time she saw Sawyer at a crime scene. _Definitely can’t run and hide like this_.

Sawyer nodded and had mercy on them both by leaving. “See you around, Danvers.”

Alex’s luck was just bad enough for that to be the truth. She did not have time to dwell on it. Her phone rang and she was glad for the excuse to focus on something else.

“Agent Danvers,” she answered.

“Doctor Danvers, it’s Doctor Madison.”

“Oh, hi. How’s working with Lena?” It was probably an exciting project.

“That’s why I’m calling,” he replied. “I think you need to check on her. She has good goals and pure intentions, but this project is very unethical.”

Alex frowned. “That doesn’t sound like Lena.” Lena did everything aboveboard, never wanting to be lumped in with her brother. 

“I think the attempt on her life has really pushed her. Well, more the fact that her wife was hurt and could’ve been killed. Either way, this project is taking things way too far. Has she told you about the project?”

“No, she hasn’t.” And that was weird in and of itself. Lena was never silent about her projects. She always picked Alex’s brain about every little thing she was working on, especially if she was working on it personally. Instead, their text thread had been quite silent for a long while. _Oh, something is so wrong_.

“Well, let me tell you…”

-8-8-8-8-

Alex could not believe Lena! She understood Lena was upset, but this was going way too far. She went to L-Corp to talk to Lena, finding her down in her lab.

“You’re trying to mind control people!” Alex barked as soon as she walked through the doors of the high tech lab. At least four of her labs could fit in this one lab. Lena spared no expense.

Lena jumped from the table and put her hands up, as if to keep Alex at bay. “Not mind control. I’m just trying to help people control their anger.”

Alex wanted to tear her hair out at how calm Lena was to the whole matter. “By turning off their emotions at your whim.” This was not something to be taken lightly. 

Lena’s eyes glistened, silently pleading with Alex to understand. “To keep them from hurting others. Think of the good this can do.”

“I know this is about people bad mouthing Kara and someone hurting Kara, but Kara wouldn’t want this. People are entitled to their emotions.”

Lena glared at her. “But, they aren’t entitled to hurt other people. People are awful. This can help.”

“Lena, this is a bad idea. You have to reconsider.” Alex could not believe she even needed to say something. 

Lena pressed her hands together. “Alex, imagine how much good this could do. Stop domestic violence, murder, and so many other things.”

While all of those things sounded good, turning people into zombies was not the move. “You can’t take away freewill and expect people to welcome that. Think this over.”

Lena’s glare was worse than before, eyes on fire. “Fine.”

Alex sighed, confident Lena would come to her senses. She was so wrong. Lena was determined, too bad it was in the wrong thing.

-8-8-8-8-

When the news broke, Alex was more pissed than anything else. Not only had Lena gone ahead with her project, but she had experimented on prisoners in a prison L-Corp owned. The media wasted no time comparing Lena to her brother Lex. How could Lena do this after Alex told her it was wrong? _Why the hell didn’t she just listen to me?_

Alex raced to Kara and Lena’s place, wanting to be there as support. She pushed her bike to the limit, getting from her house to the penthouse in record time. There were press already staked outside, looking very much like an angry mob. Alex got by them with no problem. She went up to the penthouse and fond Lena in the living room.

“Alex, thank goodness you’re here. You can help me explain,” Lena said.

Alex stared her down with flared nostrils. She could not believe how pissed she was with Lena. She never thought she would be so angry with Lena and want to throw her out of the way. “I’m not here for you.”

Lena flinched. “What?”

“I’m here for Kara. She’s been the best thing in both of our lives and you just spat on her belief in you. She’s the sweetest, kindest person and always had faith in you, trust in you. She always defends you and you did this.”

“It was to make the world a better place!”

“A better place?” Alex stepped into Lena’s face and glared at her with the full force of her fury. “You have the better place right here. You have Kara and her love. I trusted her to you and you did this.” Kara had to be devastated because she thought Lena was an angel and it turned out Lena was a Luthor.

“I wanted to protect her.”

“You wanted to protect yourself. You wanted everyone to see the good you do and you flushed that down the toilet. You made a fool of Kara, who always defends you to any and everyone who will listen. She gushed about you in articles that were supposed to be about her experience being shot. This woman took a bullet for you and you turned into the exact thing the media said you were. You just wanted to do what you want.” Alex pushed by her.

“Alex!” Lena grabbed her hand. “I need you.”

“Kara needs me.” Alex yanked her hand back and walked to the bedroom. Kara was tucked into a ball on the bed, blanket wrapped around her as if it was a shield. Alex gathered her in her arms and Kara cuddled into her, burying her face in Alex’s shoulder as she silently cried. Kara was the only one who deserved good. Everyone else was the villain in the story. _Even me_.

-8-8-8-8-

Next time: the end.


	5. Love and Love

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don’t own these characters. DC/the CW does. I don’t own the following things that get mentioned in this chapter: Grease (the movie), Mary Poppins Returns, and Hamilton.
> 
> A/N: So, I have a tumblr now if anyone cares, it’s [Slunatic](https://slunatic.tumblr.com/).

5: Love and Love

Alex held Kara as she wept. The blanket Kara had burrowed into fell back to her bed a bit, peeling away from her like so many of her emotions. Her trust, her belief, her happiness, and her faith pouring out of her. The world was a little dimmer. _Damn it, Lena, how could you do this?_

“I’m so sorry,” Alex said as she rubbed Kara’s back.

“How could she do this?” Kara sobbed, clutching the edge of Alex’s shirt.

Alex rested her forehead against Kara’s head. “She just wanted to protect you.” She did not want to defend Lena’s act of stupidity and evil, but she needed Kara to calm down.

“Protect?” Kara’s voice was shrill and her face was red. “I defend her from the worst of the worst and she goes and experiments on people — people society has already deemed lesser — and who don’t have choices and she says it’s to protect me?” Kara pointed to herself. “What made her think I’d be okay with that?”

“She didn’t think that far. She just wanted to get people to stop hurting each other.” That was probably what Lena had in her heart, but the execution was so far off, it was mind-blowing. Yes, people under stress did some outrageous things, but this was beyond. It was unimaginable.

Kara frowned and looked at Alex like she was an idiot. “She wanted to control people, just like Lex.”

Alex winced. That was not far off. Even Lena’s “for the greater good” was like Lex. He swore experimenting on people, creating super soldiers, would be a way to end wars. Lena had crossed the line where the end justified the means. Alex was not sure how Lena could come back from that, or even if Lena could come back from that in Kara’s eyes.

“What do I do? I have friends calling me for a statement. A statement!” Kara laughed, quite hysterical.

Alex could not imagine what it was like to have colleagues questioning her. Humiliating and horrifying had to be in there, though. None of this was fair to Kara. Her reputation was just as damaged as Lena’s now and her heart was broken. Lena had ruined their lives.

Alex gave her a squeeze. “It’ll be okay.”

Kara sniffled and wiped her face, even though she was still sobbing. “Can I stay with you for a few days? I just… I can’t look at her right now.”

Alex kissed her forehead. “Anytime. You know that.” She had to do something. Technically, she got Kara involved in this mess. _I never should’ve introduced Kara to Lena. Why the hell did I trust Lena?_ She was a terrible judge of people. “I’ve always got your back, Kara. You know that.”

Kara nodded and managed to stop crying. They sat in silence for a while. Kara finally eased out of bed, grabbed a duffle bag, and began packing it, even though she really did not need it. She left more than enough of her things at Alex’s place. Alex stepped out, checking on Lena.

Lena was on the sofa, head in her hands. She looked up as Alex leaned against the wall. Her face was flushed through her makeup, which ran with tears. Her clothing was rumpled and wrinkled. She was a mess.

“She’s leaving me, isn’t she?” Lena asked. She put her legs up on the couch and pulled them to her chest. She looked pathetic, and she was.

Alex shook her head. “Can you blame her?” Lena had done this horrible thing to taint everything she stood for, made a fool of Kara, and made Kara doubt Lena was the person she thought she was. How did Lena think this was going to end? Had she actually fooled herself into thinking Kara would be okay with this? Thought Kara would praise her for this?

Lena ducked her head and sniffled. “No.”

“You do realize you’ve watered the fields of your legacy with gasoline, right?” Alex asked. She needed to know Lena understood she just set fire to her life’s work.

Lena gave a weak wave. “I’ll worry about that later. After all, what is a legacy? Especially to a Luthor. I worried over it, back when I first met you.”

“I know you did. The Danvers name.”

“But, it’s not like that with Kara. You see I didn’t take her name, didn’t associate it with my work. She’s always been the best of wives and the best of women. I’ve never deserved her, no matter how much I tried.”

Alex could not deny that. “She’s staying with me for a few days.”

Lena nodded and sniffled, wiping her nose. “You’ll take care of her, right?”

Alex frowned. “Of course I will.” She had been taking care of Kara for more than half their lives. She had to make up for introducing this disaster into Kara’s life, though. Kara did not need any more negative major life changing events, but apparently life did not discriminate between the sinners and the saints. _It just takes and it takes and we keep living anyway_. They did not have much of a choice, but it was not fair. Kara did not deserve any of this.

Lena stared at her with red, wet eyes. “You know I’m helplessly in love with her, right?”

Alex rubbed her eyes and sighed. “I know. She’s the same with you. Sometimes, it takes more than that.”

Lena gazed at her for a long moment. “Yes, I know.”

Alex wanted to scream at Lena, but there was no reason for it now. Lena knew what she had done. And if she did not, she got a better idea when Kara exited the room with a duffel bag over her shoulder and did not glance in Lena’s direction. Alex took the bag from her, as she was still recovering from her gunshot. They left without a word. 

Lena did not even use the moment as her last chance to negotiate. She knew what she had done, knew it was done. There was no need to prolong the misery.

“I love you,” Lena said to their retreating forms. It was possible she meant both of them. It was also possible neither of them cared at the moment. 

Alex and Kara had to split to get to her apartment since Alex was on her bike and she did not think it was safe for Kara to ride with her injury. Kara jumped in her car and they would meet at Alex’s place. That left Alex with her thoughts and the pain Lena inflicted with one terrible decision. One secret brought to light had damaged everything around them, burned like tears from the sun. One secret, but there were others. 

_You’ve got a secret don’t you? You’ve got the nerve to be pissed at Lena, but you weren’t pissed when you were texting her all hours of the night, pretending she was yours_. Alex did not have the moral high ground. Her own secrets would hurt Kara as well and things did not have to be that way. She went about it all wrong. _We’ve gone about this all wrong_.

Alex knew what she had to do and she had to do it soon, immediately. If not, she was complicit. She could not go on hurting Kara. She had to put the fire out and she could only do that by lying it all bare.

They made it to the apartment together and Kara ordered pizza right after she stepped in the door. Alex dropped the bag by her bed. The little studio would hold them for a few days. It would not be the first time.

“I’m putting on something we can sing to,” Kara said as she flopped down on the sofa.

“Whatever makes you happy.” _Until I ruin it again_.

“Pizza and musicals are my medicine.”

Alex laughed. “I know that. They have been known to work miracles.” Junk food and musicians got Kara through the every anniversary of her family’s deaths, got her through her first failing grades, got her through bullying in school (along with Alex punching a lot of people), got her through every breakup, and even got her through Alex leaving for college.

“I’ll find something for us both,” Kara said. So, that meant no _Grease_ and no new _Mary Poppins_. It was a small favor, but very appreciated.

The pizza came, one cheese and one pepperoni, and they made camp on the sofa. Alex grabbed some wine to go with the pizza. Kara put on _Hamilton_. God bless Disney +, as they both loved this show. Lena did, too, but the memory did not slow Kara down in any of the songs. By the end, Kara seemed more like her old self, full and cuddly. She had her complete weight against Alex, as if Alex was not the smaller of the two of them. Alex was used to it, though.

“Kara, can we talk?” Alex asked. She was a little braver thanks to the wine, but this was all her. She had to rise up and do the right thing. She would fight for her sister, no matter what, and that started with the truth.

Kara glanced at her. “Of course we can.”

Alex took a deep breath. “It’s about a secret I’ve been keeping for a few years.” _You can do this_.

Kara focused on her with big, blue eyes. “Secret?”

Alex scratched her head and then let out a long sigh. “I’ve been texting with Lena for years.”

Kara scoffed. “I’d assume so. You two nerd out often enough.”

“Who are you calling a nerd, nerd? And I don’t mean the usual texting. It’s…”Alex did not know how to put the texts into words. Okay, maybe not the texts, but the intent of the texts. The intent was the important thing, the reason she had kept it a secret. _Well, that and you’re a garbage human being_. “I have feelings for Lena.” That did not sound right. It did not capture her relationship with Lena at all. How else could she put it?

Kara snorted. “No duh.”

Alex frowned as her stomach twisted into a knot and she grabbed her phone from her pocket. “No, Look.” She shoved her phone at Kara. “I… I have affections for Lena?” Was that better? It still did not feel like it captured the full scope. _Maybe I am stupid. I should be able to explain this, if not out loud, at least to myself_. There was something vast about her relationship with Lena, something beyond, and she could not pin it down.

Kara pushed the phone away, pressing it to Alex’s chest. “I don’t need to see your texts. I bet it’s just full of science stuff.”

Alex twisted her mouth up and stared hard at Kara. “Well, yeah. Has Lena told you about it?” She did not think Lena talked about their text thread either. It always seemed they both agreed to never mention it, even if they had never spoken those words aloud. A silent understanding and vow, like their relationship itself.

Kara shook her head. “No. I don’t need to see all of her texts or know everyone she’s in communication with. I know you two have a special relationship outside of me.”

Alex frowned again, deeper than before. She did not like how that sounded either. “That sounds like an affair.”

Kara actually laughed. “It’s not an affair. You two just have a special relationship and it’s just between you two. That’s fine.”

It did not feel fine. None of this felt fine. Alex’s stomach was set to wring itself dry and her throat burned like she might throw up. “You’re letting me off the hook, even though this is bad.”

Kara shook her head and grabbed onto Alex’s hands. Kara gave her hands a squeeze. “I’m really not. I think you feel guilty over your emotions for Lena and this secret and you want to be punished. Maybe it’s because there’s already so much badness going on, but it’s not as bad as you think. You’re probably blaming yourself for all of this, too. This wasn’t your fault. You haven’t done anything wrong. You don’t need to be punished for anything.”

Alex did not agree with any of that and thought Kara might be letting her get by because this was just too much to deal with right now. She should have waited. _How could I do this?_ This was selfish. _Of course it was because you’re selfish_.

Everything she did was selfish and caused pain. She introduced Kara to Lena to keep Lena in her life and then communicated with Lena behind Kara’s back. She trusted Kara with Lena and that only hurt Kara. And, the piece de resistance, kissing Sawyer without her permission, without knowing her relationship status. She had lost them. Eventually, Kara would sort through what she really did and she would leave as well. It was all awful and it was all on her. No amount of pizza or musicals would make things better for her.

-8-8-8-8-

Alex was both surprised and not surprised when she woke up alone. She looked around the apartment and there was no sign of Kara. Even Kara’s bag was gone. It made sense, even though Kara tried to make it seem like everything was all right last night. Alex had transgressed and lost Kara. No Kara, no Lena, no Sawyer. No one.

“You deserve it,” Alex said as she threw her sheet off of her. Her stomach twisted and she felt like she was sick. _Maybe I should lie back down and maybe I’ll dissolve into the bed and never ruin anything ever again_. Since that seemed unlikely, she put her feet on the floor and stood. She tipped, like she was about to fall over, but somehow managed to stay up and she went about her morning routine. 

Dragging around the apartment to get ready for the day, Alex felt like sand replaced her muscles. The sand rubbed against her skin and bones, wearing her down. But, she deserved it. Selfishness had brought this upon her.

Alex managed to make it to work, lucky she could hide in her lab for the day. The sand inside of her was sharp and cut into her movements, making it hard to manipulate her instruments. How did she expect any of this to go? Everything had been doomed from the start. She had been doomed from the start. She thought it was Lena who flew too close to the sun, but she was Icarus more than anyone else.

The day crept at a petty pace. She was not sure how she made it through. She was not sure if she actually got any work done. No one came to her and complained about anything she sent out, so that was a good sign. She could not get out of the place fast enough when it was time to leave. Usually, work was her sanctuary, but she itched to get away, to escape the failure of her life, to flee from her inaction in the only space she was usually useful.

Alex made her way to the bar after work. Technically, it was Sawyer’s bar, but it was really good and Alex was a masochist. At least she was a masochist with a drink in her hand. Whiskey helped wash down the guilt and disgust.

“You might want to take it easy,” the bartender said as she moved to stand in front of Alex, as if she wanted to keep an eye on Alex.

Alex scoffed. “Why? I’m doing everybody a favor.” She had already lost count of how many she had. It did not matter. Things might be best if she succumbed to alcohol poisoning. It would solve a lot of problems, save a lot of heartache.

An eyebrow went up. “By drinking yourself into oblivion?”

“Can’t wreck any more relationships like this.” Alex took a long drink from her glass.

The bartender snorted. “You and that cute girlfriend of yours have a fight?”

“She’s not my girlfriend.” Neither Sawyer nor Lena, but she had taken liberties with them, coveted then, pretended they were hers. Nothing was hers.

The bartender shook her head. “Could’ve fooled me.”

Alex shrugged. “Guess we did.” She downed her fourth? Glass. Maybe fifth? It did not matter. All it did was burn.

She spent her life collecting people who were not hers, pretending and fooling the world. No, fooling herself. She thought she had things under control with Lena and could not even talk Lena down in her moment of insanity. She lost Lena without ever actually having her. She lost Kara and Sawyer through selfishness, a craving for more when she did not deserve more. How dare she desire?

“Alex.”

Alex blinked. She might need to slow down. It sounded like Sawyer called her name. _No, don’t stop. Let her haunt you. Let it all burn_. She deserved the pain.

“Alex.” Sawyer was suddenly in front of her.

Alex blew out a breath and shook her head. “I can’t be that drunk. I never hallucinate.” She had been drunk enough to know what happened and she had never seen things, not even during her worst college binges while grieving over her father.

“And you haven’t started. Let’s get you home.” Sawyer grabbed her hand and Alex yanked away with enough force to fall off the stool.

Alex caught herself, stood up as best she could with the world upside down, and then put her hands up. “Don’t touch me. You can’t touch me.”

Sawyer backed up and put her hands in the air as well. “You’re right, you’re right. I’m sorry.”

Alex glared at Sawyer as her head swam in whiskey. Suddenly, she had a million things to say to Sawyer, most of them revolving around why Sawyer should never touch her again. “Can I be real a second? Let down my guard and tell you how I feel a second?”

“Alex, I think you’ve had too much to drink.” 

That was probably true, but Alex still needed to say what was on her mind. “When you touch me, I get warm and fuzzy. It’s nice and makes me want to kiss you.” Which she was not supposed to do. She did not have a right to do that and she should not want to do that. _There used to be a simple time when I had Kara and work and life made sense_. Nothing made sense now and even whiskey could not fix her mess of a life.

Sawyer’s face dropped. “Oh. Okay.”

Alex’s chin wobbled. She was not sure why. She was not on the verge of tears. Maybe it was the fury she felt toward herself. She was the worst. “Yes, how disappointing of me, but really exactly how I am. Selfish. So selfish.”

Sawyer looked cute when her brow furrowed. “Danvers, what the hell are you talking about? You’re far from selfish.”

Alex blew a raspberry, complete with spit. “I’m all selfish. I kissed you without your permission. And…” She leaned in, meaning to whisper, but she could not recall how. “I’ve been having an affair with my sister-in-law.”

Sawyer winced. “Okay that doesn’t sound like you.”

“Oh, but, it is.” Alex held up a finger and wagged it. “And I introduced her to my sister. I was maid of honor at their wedding. I told my sister last night and broke her heart more than it already was. Everyone’s gone. I am ruined.” She hit herself in the chest with her fist. “Damn it, how could I do this?” It was all so bad.

“It can’t be so bad.”

“They’re not talking to me. You’re not talking to me. Everyone’s gone. I brought it on myself. Selfish.”

Sawyer sighed. “It’s not like that, Alex. Come on, let’s get you home.” She waved Alex toward the door.

Alex did not argue, did not have it in her to argue. She was hollow now. The sand from earlier scratched out everything and the whiskey pushed out the sand. There was nothing left, inside and out.

Alex was not sure how, but they ended up at her door. She could hardly fit the key in the top lock. Sawyer had to help with the second, possibly holding the key hole straight. Alex could not be sure.

As soon as they were inside, Alex dropped onto the couch and wrapped herself in a blanket hanging over the back. It smelled like Kara. She bit her lip to keep down the emotion bubbling up in her chest. And then saw Sawyer, just standing there, staring at her. _Bet you look pathetic_.

“Can we talk?” Sawyer asked.

She had said her piece back at the bar. “I don’t think I’m in a good place to talk about anything.”

“When you sober up?”

“I’ll probably just be worse.” She would never be okay, never be able to face this, burning three relationships, two at the same time. She had nothing left.

Sawyer continued to look at her. “Should I just go?”

Alex burrowed deeper into the couch as a response. Sawyer sighed and made her way to the door. There was a soft click as it shut and the outside world was gone. Except, it was not. She could hear muttering outside her door. She was too fuzzy to figure out who or how many. It was hard to pay attention as the edges of her vision blurred.

Her body jumped as the door opened. It was Kara and Lena and the world faded to black.

-8-8-8-8-

Alex woke up in the middle of the night, head pounding, and she shuffled into the shower. That sand was back, but she scrubbed herself raw to be rid of it. Not the best idea. Now, she just felt stripped bare. There was nothing left but pain. She was only her pain.

She drank some water, swallowed a headache pill, and flung herself back onto the couch. She wrapped herself back in the blanket, feeling like it shielded her from anything else life might throw at her. _Really? You think this is life. This is stuff you did to yourself_. Alex shook her head to be rid of her thoughts. 

She needed some kind of distraction. Her phone happened to be next to her. She did not recall putting it there, but she could not remember much right now. She checked her messages. Just one, from Kara. **Call me when you wake up**.

Well, it was four in the morning, so she would not be doing that. She emailed that she would not be in for work and put on Netflix. She managed a couple of episodes of _The Witcher_ before going to bed. Maybe she would feel more like herself in the light of the sun.

The light of day did nothing but burn her eyes. She needed coffee, but of course she did not have any. Now, she would have to brave the world or greet the morning with a beer. The latter was tempting, but that was also a good indication of having a drinking problem. She did not have the bandwidth to explore that at the moment, so she skipped the beer and got dressed in some sweats in a hoodie. She opened the door and walked right into Kara and Lena. Sawyer was right behind them. They all jumped.

“Did you guys camp out in my hallway?” Alex inquired, looking around as if she would see any evidence to support that theory.

“No, we all just know you well enough to know you’d be up by now,” Kara answered. She held up several cups. “We bought coffee.” She nodded to Lena, who had a box in her hands. “And donuts.”

“I don’t need an intervention,” Alex said.

“That’s not what this is. Now, go sit down,” Kara said, as if she gave the orders around here.

Of course, Alex sat on the sofa. Kara and Lena stepped in. There had to be some kind of agreement because Sawyer did not object as the door was shut on her. Kara and Lena took the opposite end of the couch. They were quiet, looking at each other rather than at her.

“So, what’s going on?” Alex asked. She could not take much more of this. She just wanted to curl up on her couch and forget life was a thing for a while.

“After we talked the other night, I had to go talk to Lena,” Kara replied.

Alex glanced at Lena. She was not sure what she had said that would lead Kara to think she should go talk to Lena, except maybe scream at her about the secret texting. “To confront her?” The question came out as a guess, as that was exactly what it was.

Kara smiled a bit. “Not at all. I wanted to know where her head was at with you, with me, with her experiment. Talking with you showed me that we think we know each other, but there’s always something going on, so I wanted to find out what was going on with Lena and I couldn’t wait. It was a good thing, even though the wound was fresh.”

Lena nodded and patted Kara’s knee. “It was very gratifying, even though it was grueling while it happened. I felt like I had gone through every Olympic event by the end of it, but it was worth it because I felt a physical weight lift off of me when we were done. Talking to her helped me better understand why I did what I did and I feel like I know how I can go about making this up to her, to you, to everybody.”

“Making this up to me?” Alex could only repeat the words as it did not make sense to her brain. _I might still be a little drunk_.

“Yes. I know I face an uphill climb, but at this point, I have nothing to lose. I still have something to prove. To you, to Kara, to everyone. I’m going to start as soon as possible. I know you might not believe this right now, but you and Kara are everything to me. If you don’t have faith in me, everything else is in vain,” Lena said.

Alex held in a scoff and reached for the cup of coffee with her name on it. “I’ll believe it when I see it, so talk less and do more.” She glanced at Kara. “You’re really okay?” A day ago, Kara’s entire world had been blown away and now she was all right. That was fishy.

With a small smile, Kara nodded. “Like I said, the talking really helped and understanding where Lena was coming from helped. The fact that she listened when I told her everything wrong with what she did and how terrible it was and she was open to it. It was a lot, but I felt a lot better. I got to understand the disconnect between what Lena wants in her heart and what made sense in her head. I got to make sense of how I felt about everything that happened. Yes, it’s still a process, but we got to a good starting place. We need to get you to that place, too.” She pressed her hands together as if pleading with Alex.

Alex shook her head. “You guys don’t have to worry about me.” She was not sure how she felt about them reconciling so soon, not sure if she could trust Lena with Kara, she was not in the right headspace to voice any of that. She could not see how Kara was in the right headspace for it, but Kara always tried to look on the bright side of things.

“We do, because you’re a part of us,” Kara said.

“We’re only partially joking about joint custody in the event of a divorce,” Lena added.

“You’re in this with us,” Kara said.

“That’s part of the problem. I shouldn’t be in your marriage,” Alex said.

“But, you’re in our lives and our hearts. We love you, Alex,” Kara replied.

Alex looked at Lena. “You told her?” While she and Lena had never said those words to each other, she was sure that was what this feeling was.

Lena motioned to her. “You started it and it was part of the conversation last night.”

Kara nodded. “It’s okay that you love each other. I always knew, but never understood the extent. After talking to both of you, I don’t think you get the extent either. You’re assuming it’s an affair of the heart because that’s all you can compare it to.”

“We kept it secret, so obviously it was something,” Lena said and Alex nodded.

Kara rolled her eyes. “Have you two ever had a romantic moment together?” 

Alex flinched at the very idea and Lena frowned. “We’d never!”

“I know you wouldn’t. I kinda get that you have an intimacy that excludes me, but I’m okay with that because you both need it. You’re human. You need connections. You don’t have a romantic love, but you have something deep and important to you and I respect that. You need it,” Kara said.

“Like this?” Alex asked.

“You guys text each other about science. That’s fine. You’re not sexting or anything,” Kara pointed out.

It was true, but it did not make Alex feel any better. Nothing Kara said made her feel better. “None of this negates us hiding it from you. Intent matters.”

“Intent certainly matters. That was a big thing with my talk with Lena last night. I know the road to Hell is paved with good intentions, which Lena proved. But, what was your intent here, Alex? At some point were you going to jump Lena’s bones?”

“No…” Alex honestly was not sure what her and Lena’s intentions were. They had this thing that was more than friendship, but not a romantic relationship. There was an intimacy, but neither knew the extent or even the purpose beyond a connection they felt. “Still, doesn’t erase the fact that we kept it from you.”

Kara shook her head. “It doesn’t, but that’s like your guilt doesn’t mean this is as bad as you think it is. This isn’t as bad as you think it is. Well, your feelings and Lena’s feelings.”

Alex looked at Lena. She looked different from yesterday. She had seemed small before, but now it was like she was herself again, but humble. Her eyes had changed. There was a different sparkle there now. It was like meeting her all over again.

“I trusted Kara with you,” Alex said. That would always make her weary of Lena now, remembering how far Lena fell, discarding Kara’s feelings for her own desires. She wanted Lena to put Kara on a pedestal and maybe she did. Lena just worshipped in a different manner than Kara would want, willing to wage a crusade for Kara. It was something Alex hated that she understood. _We’re not so different and that’s probably part of our connection_. Maybe that was why Alex was so pissed.

Lena nodded. “I’ve always understood that responsibility. I’ll do better. I will earn and deserve that trust once again. I just…want to wrap the world in bubble wrap for her.”

“I know. I do, too. I just don’t have the money for it,” Alex replied. It was possible with Lena’s resources she would be a mad scientist to protect Kara, and she might become that if she refused to consider Kara’s point of view. _We’ll probably never know, though_. “That might be part of why I’m so pissed. This idea that I might go that far, even though I know how Kara would feel about it. I don’t want to throw away Kara’s feelings in the name of protecting Kara.”

“I don’t need either of you to protect me. I just want you to love me how I love you,” Kara said. “And I want you to stay true to yourselves instead of falling into these dark pits of despair. We’re so much better than that.”

Alex nodded, as did Lena. Kara smiled and slapped her hands to her knees. She stood up and went to hug Alex. Alex did not know how much she needed that until it happened. Her stomach untied itself from that knot and sand under her skin seemed to melt back into her body. She was a little put back together and Kara smiling at her as she pulled away only helped.

“I’m glad we worked that out. Now, me and Lena are going to scram because we still have stuff to work through and you have an appointment with Maggie,” Kara said.

Alex’s forehead scrunched up. “Maggie?”

Kara sucked her teeth. “Detective Sawyer.” Of course Kara would be on a first name basis with her. “She seemed like she wanted to say a lot last night, but she said you didn’t want to talk to her.”

Alex blew out a breath. “Yeah, I messed up with her.”

“Like you messed up with us?” Kara smirked and hugged Alex again. 

Before Alex could retort, Lena hugged her, too. The world somehow felt right again and her shoulders were lighter. She hugged them both back. She needed to hold onto them, onto this. No more secrets and more discussing what was going on in her head. They were all she had.

“We love you so much,” Kara said and she kissed the top of Alex’s head. It was something she would usually do to Kara, but it was nice to be on the receiving end for once.

Alex barely had time to adjust in her seat when Sawyer was now where Kara had been a second ago. They looked at each other and then looked away. Alex’s heart pounded. The last thing she wanted was to be vulnerable with Sawyer again, but it worked with Kara and Lena. 

“So…” Alex said with the hope Sawyer would say something.

Sawyer took a breath, straightened her spine, and looked Alex directly in the eye. “I’m sorry about how all of this went down.”

Alex held up her hands and waved it off. “You don’t have anything to apologize for. I was totally out of line.”

“That’s just the thing, you weren’t. I’ve been half-flirting with you since we met. I’ve liked you since our bar fight. I’m in awe of damn near everything you do. You’re smart, badass, ride a motorcycle, and can shoot a gun, I’d propose to you…” Sawyer winced, like she did not mean to take it that far.

“If you didn’t have a girlfriend?”

Sawyer’s shoulders fell. “I don’t have a girlfriend anymore. We broke up not too long ago. The relationship had been dying a slow death and we didn’t want to face facts. The night you kissed me was a hard truth.”

“Great, I’m such a home-wrecker.”

Sawyer shook her head. “Not with me, and not with you sister from what she told me.”

“Of course you two are friends.”

Sawyer smiled. “We talked last night, both trying to see you and get you to talk. She’s adorable. We all want you to stop hurting, stop being so hard on yourself, because you’re so special. You don’t give yourself credit. You’re tearing yourself down so much, you don’t even remember I kissed you back.”

Alex did not recall that. “No, you didn’t.” _I was drunk and imagined that_.

“I did. I wanted that kiss, Danvers. I want you, but I want to do right by you. You deserve all that and more.”

Alex shook her head. “You don’t want me.”

Sawyer scoffed and then grinned at her. It was like she knew those dimples were weapons. “I really do. You’re amazing, Doctor Agent Alex Danvers. And I’d be honored if you’d let me take you out on a date.”

“Really?” Somehow, this felt like a trick or a trap. Maybe a dream. It was possible she was still asleep. She sipped her coffee, as if that would make her up. It did not. This was reality.

“Really.” Sawyer slid closer, still making sure to maintain eye contact. “I don’t want to miss this chance… well, if there still is a chance. I’m hoping there is.” She must have seen something in Alex’s eyes because she smiled. “I won’t throw away my shot. May I take you out?”

Alex gnawed the corner of her bottom lip. “I’d like that.”

And there were the dimples again. Alex never stood a chance. No, she would not throw away her shot either. 

-8-8-8-8-

The next few months were busy for Alex and her great loves. Now, she was so far from giving up. She worked on her relationship with Kara and Lena while they worked on their marriage as well as Lena’s reputation. They had a lot of work ahead of them.

Their marriage was most important, so they did couple’s therapy, as well as other things to strengthen their bond. Lena also saw her own therapist, recognizing she had issues she needed to work through, especially considering she had not really talked about Kara being shot, someone trying to kill her, or the fact that Kara would die for her. That was so huge Lena talked about it with them every time she got out of therapy. Alex followed their lead, went to therapy and also made a few more friends. She recognized she needed more substance in her life.

All of that was easier than defending Lena and L-Corp to the public, but they had to take a stand. Thanks to the press, Lena was under mad scrutiny and she had to deal with a mass mutiny at L-Corp. No one took into account Lena was young, scrappy, and hungry and she had her best friends by her side.

Lena’s redemption happened in stages, which started with Lena coming forward and explaining why she did what she did. That part took almost two months. Alex quietly supported that. She was more involved in the next phase, which was Lena doing much more visible good things for people. Not all help to mankind had to be scientific. Sometimes, it was fixing a park in a neglected neighborhood or donating to public schools or just sponsoring things to get kids into science. It was amazing to watch Lena rise to the occasion. Her legacy would be repaired.

While doing those things, Alex continued to date Sawyer. Sometimes, she brought Sawyer along with her, mostly at the urging of Kara. So, Sawyer got a chance to get to know Kara and Lena fairly well early on in their relationship. It was something else to think about where they started and where they were now. It was a miracle.

Alex was not surprised to be on a “double date” with Kara and Lena after dating Maggie for a few months. They had done that several times. The surprising thing was the location. It was movie night at Kara and Lena’s place, crowded together on the sofa. The other surprise was Kara and Maggie double-teaming Alex and Lena as they complained about the scientific inaccuracies in the movie. They could shush with the best of them.

“You two have a science text thread. Please use it, so we can enjoy the movie.” Kara motioned to herself and Maggie. Her hand had to pass in front of Alex, who resisted the temptation to lightly pop her knuckles.

“We’re clearly improving the movie for both of us,” Alex said. While Maggie was not in with Kara and Lena enough for all of them to cuddle together, Kara still made sure to sit close enough to Alex if she decided to put her head on Alex’s shoulder. 

“Not to mention, you guys love us because we’re nerds.” Lena had her arms wrapped around Kara.

Maggie snapped her fingers. “Damn, she’s got us there.”

Kara threw her hands in surrender. Alex pulled Maggie close to her chest. Maggie wrapped her arms around Alex.

“So, you love me?” Alex asked, whispering in Maggie’s ear.

“Ever since I kicked your ass at the gun range.”

Alex chuckled a bit. “Is that what happened?”

“That is what happened.”

It was what happened and it had been hot. Alex kissed Maggie’s cheek. Maggie turned, smiled, and kissed Alex’s lips. Alex kissed back and they were suddenly making out. And Alex’s phone went off. She checked the “science” thread, which was the name of a text thread between all four of them. The “other science” thread was the one between just her and Lena that Kara felt they needed for discussing actual science.

It was strange the day Kara told Lena and Alex that they needed their own text thread again. They had been trying to upfront about what they were doing and Kara got to see everything they ever texted about was science related. It was just how they talked to each other. With their own thread established, they continued old conversations, but the feeling was new, freeing. They were not doing anything wrong. There was no secret. That gave Alex peace of mind and that was enough. A message from Lena awaited her. **Stop what you’re doing and watch this nonsense!**

“Lena, can you not complain about the movie while I’m trying to make out with Alex?” Maggie said.

“I just don’t think it’s fair Alex gets to escape bad science with make outs. She has to suffer with me,” Lena replied.

“We could always just watch _Grease_ again,” Kara said.

“No!”

“We have all suffered enough,” Alex said.

They laughed and settled back into the movie. Kara rested her head on Alex’s shoulder. Alex and Lena complained via text. Each time she put the phone away, Maggie kissed her. This was so perfect. She was satisfied with life.

-8-8-8-8-

The End.

A/N: Thanks to everyone who read the story. I hope you guys enjoyed this. I hope you continue to read and enjoy my work. Also, thanks to my beta, [TheCrowDawg](https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheCrowDawg/pseuds/TheCrowDawg).

Again, let me say, I now have a tumblr: [Slunatic](https://slunatic.tumblr.com/). Please, come say hi to me on [Facebook](https://www.facebook.com/SL-Kassidy-482097488469386) and keep up with my musings and find out more about my writing. For now, I’m heading back to my padded room. Back with more eventually.

**Author's Note:**

> If you wanna see more of my fanfics, they're all at FFN under [StarvingLunatic](https://www.fanfiction.net/~starvinglunatic). Come say hi to me on [Facebook](https://www.facebook.com/SL-Kassidy-482097488469386/). You can get news about this and other stories. I’m also on Tumblr: [Slunatic](https://slunatic.tumblr.com/)


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